Saving You
by finallyxfound
Summary: Cordelia feels like her life is falling apart, and for good reason: because it is. And Angel doesn't understand why she doesn't want to be saved.
1. One

It was Thursday night in the hot summer month of July and where was Cordelia Chase? Probably not where any of her Sunnydale friends would expect her to be. She wasn't at the elite Hollywood Party that Marcia had called and told her of yesterday. No, where was Cordelia Chase? She was in the dark alleyway behind her apartment building trying to change her oil. Not something she was known for but it sure beat the other option of cleaning demon guts and goo out of the hotel ventilation system like Wes, Gunn, Angel and probably Fred were. At least she was home, she thought, reaching for the screwdriver in her toolbox. Tightening up the last loose screws that she had noticed in the engine, she plopped the hood down on her Jeep and grabbed the handle on the toolbox. She knew she was a mess and for once in her life she didn't care. She missed half of the day today and for good reason, even though she didn't know what the reason was yet. Truth was, she just wanted to be alone, as much alone with an invisible man as you could be.

Charging into her apartment, she set the toolbox down by the door and headed to the kitchen. She was hungry now, but for what she didn't know. Some part of her wished Angel would magically appear and make her the Eggs Benedict she was famous for eating. And everyone knew that Angel made the best eggs in town. But she didn't want to see him right now anyhow. She didn't know or have a reason for that or a reason for why she was mad at him, she just was. Saving her again from the big bad demon guy two days ago had been it. She didn't want to be saved. She wasn't the damsel in distress or the princess held captive in a tower guarded by a fire breathing dragon, even though the last demon had actually been fire breathing and half dragon. Cordelia Chase was the almighty powerful seer who could melt a man's heart with one glare and crush an unpopular girl's dreams by commenting on her Keds© tennis shoes.

Cordelia searched through her fridge and freezer, finally deciding on a mini pizza that had been in there since the beginning of time. The pepperoni, ham, green pepper, olive, onion and double cheese combo sounded about right this time of night. Of course, her breath would stink afterwards, but she didn't care, no one was physically there to smell her breath and tell her that she stinks. Sliding it into the microwave, she pressed the automatic pizza reheat button and walked back to her bedroom.

Slipping out of her black splattered ultra-comfortable jeans and matching now black spotted white shirt, she traded them in for a pair of old gym shorts and a USC t-shirt. Much more comfortable, she thought to herself as she heard the microwave beep, alerting her to the hot pizza waiting to be devoured. Strolling out of her bedroom she made a quick stop at the bathroom, pulling her hair into a tight ponytail once again.

"Thank you Dennis." She said into the bright kitchen air once she saw the pizza already out of the microwave and on the table alongside some utensils and a glass filled with ice and soda.

Taking a seat in front of the Italian dish, a napkin floated in front of her and slipped down onto her lap.

"You are so good to me, Dennis." She told the friendly phantom, thankful that she had someone there with her. That was her only reminder that she wasn't truly alone.


	2. Two

"Do you think she'll call?" Angel asked aloud, still staring at the phone like he had been for the past three hours. Fred, Gunn, Wesley and Lorne all looked at each other, rolling their eyes and thinking to themselves that this was the fifth time he asked. The vents were clean, rat traps set, bookcases were now alphabetized, marble floors were spotless and they had just finished dusting the stair wells. The gang was now just 'chillin'', as Gunn called it. Wesley and Gunn had the mini television out and were flipping through the channels, Fred was on the computer and Lorne was mixing up his sea breeze.

"Angelcakes, the phone won't ring if you're staring at it all day." Lorne told him friend, pouring the sea breeze into his glass.

"But..."

"Angel, she'll call when she'll call. Don't push her." Lorne gave his friend the advice whether he wanted it or not. Taking a seat next to him behind the counter, Lorne fetched one of Cordelia's entertainment magazines. "Oooo, looky...Brad & Jennifer out on the town." Lorne pointed out on the out and about page noting Jennifer's outfit and sipping on his sea breeze.

"Uh, Angel..." Fred poked her eyes out from behind the computer and caught his attention. "You might want to read this." Fred sounded scared and worried, something that they were all used to but this time the quiver in her lip was shakier causing everyone to gather up behind her.

"What is it?" Angel asked, leaning down to read the bright computer screen. Sinking down in the chair that Fred had just occupied, he read the long e-mail.

To: Angel Investigations Staff

From: Vision Girl

Subject: none

To my family: I love you. Please understand why I am doing this. I just need to get away for a while and I don't want you to follow me. Dennis will be expecting one of you to check on him, just to make sure that you know he still exists and the apartment is paid until next year, so no worries there. I love you. Please don't think this is because of any of you, because it's not. You are my family, my closest friends and I owe my whole existence and reason for still being on this earthly plane to you all. So please respect my wishes and don't follow me.

To Angel: My sweet, sweet Angel: the above especially applies to you. I love you the most. Sorry Wesley, Gunn, Lorne and Fred. But I do. Probably more than any of us realize, including me. Just take care of our family for me. You're going to have to be both the father and mother to them. I love you, never forget that.

With all of my heart,

Cordelia E. Chase

This was impossible, utterly impossible. Cordelia couldn't leave them, much less him. She was the whole reason why he got up in the morning, the reason he was still fighting for something he knew was not going to happen in quite a long time. Angel acted on instinct again, getting out of the chair and reaching for his coat. He wasn't going to respect any of her damn wishes regarding this issue. She wasn't leaving.

"Angel..." Lorne called after him as the French doors swung by each other. "Oh, what's the use?" He took the last drink of his sea breeze and said.

"There is a use. We can go and stop him before he does something stupid. Right?" Fred said, looking between the three gentlemen before her. Each of them looked at each other, remembering the last time this happened. If any of them knew anything about Angel, and they did, he was already in her apartment arguing with her about leaving. Good Luck Dennis.


	3. Three

She could still feel him. It was a weird feeling that she was starting to get used to. She kind of liked that feeling, creepy as it was and in fact, she looked forward to it. Each morning would come, she would put on the horrible coffee that she picked up the day before at the store and after about ten minutes of sorting through unpaid bills and unwanted catalogues, he would be standing behind her, just staring. It was comforting, she thought to herself, packing the last pair of her jeans in her suitcase. Comforting knowing that somehow Angel would always be there to comfort her, laugh with her, joke with her, and save her. Saving her. She didn't want him to save her anymore and he definitely couldn't save her now.

"What do you want?" She asked, not needing to turn around and see him in her doorway to know he was there. Plus the fact that she heard him say hello to Dennis was a dead giveaway as well. "Angel?"

"Why?" His low toned voice told her something she already knew. He was mad.

"Why what?" She replied, going over to her closet and fishing out the rest of her clothing.

"Don't Cordy..."

"Don't what Angel? Do what, for once in my life I want to do? Sorry, but no. For once, just once, you are not going to have a day in this." She told him, shoving the apparel tight in the divided suitcase. There he went again, making a simple task hard to do. He moved forward slightly and she moved away. She didn't want to do this, heck, she didn't even want him here. It made everything ten times harder.

"Cordy...talk to me."

"About what Angel?"

"About what ever had crawled up your ass and is sending impulses up to your brain causing you to turn back into the bitch you once were!" Angel yelled back at her as she turned to face him. She was shocked and by the look on his face, so was he.

"How dare you..."

"I'm sorry." He quickly apologized to her, seeing the sadness creep up over her face. He didn't want to make any sudden moves and jolt her from his presence again. "Talk to me. Please." He begged her, tossing the remaining clothes in her hands and taking her hands in his. Gently running his fingers over hers, he asked again, "Please. Just talk to me."

Brushing the loose hair out of her face, he saw the worry lines and running scared with terror look in her teary eyes. Something she hadn't displayed in quite a while. She was scared and Angel was mad at himself for not knowing why.

"Is it me?"

"No, it's not you." She shook her head back and forth and covered her face with her hands. Leaning into his chest, she just wept. Wept, something she hadn't done in ages. Angel brushed his hands down her back consoling her, because right now that was the only thing he could do.

"Last week?"

"Last week." Cordelia answered Angel, cupping her hands around the hot cup of coffee that he had brewed for her.

"How come I didn't know about this? And what the hell gives you the right to keep this from us?" Angel asked, pacing the tiled kitchen floor back and forth, still trying to take in all the information at once.

"Because I thought I could handle it and excuse me, but it is my life." Cordelia snapped back at him.

"Cordy..." Angel finally sat down, leaned forward and placed his hand upon her bare knee under the table.

"There's more too. Seems that my presumed dead Grandmother Chase is alive and well too. I was told that she died before I was even thought of, and all this time she's been alive." Cordelia started to shake her head in disbelief that her life was a big puzzle being scrambled up like eggs. "First, Groo leaves me, then I find out my grandmother is alive and well, then I get kidnapped by a dragon and you come to save me, yet again. My life is just..." Cordelia laid her head down on the table, ending mid thought and started to cry. Her life was screwed up or they way she thought, it was either going to hell or was already there.

"I'm not going to tell you that everything will be okay, because that's not what you want to hear..." Angel whispered to her as she lifted her head back up, wiping away the tears. "And I'm not going to say that I'll save you and we'll get through this together because you don't want to hear that either. But I will tell you that I am here, whether you like it or not." Angel moved his hand up to her chin, and lifted her head to match his eyes. "But don't you ever think of leaving again, not me or your family. We need you. I need you."

"Angel..." Her lip trembled more this time as Angel pulled her chair closer to him and caught it with his lips. Their first, well technically second kiss and it was supposed to be innocent. But it wasn't. Angel found himself wanting more and no matter which way he looked at it, it was a bad idea. Even if he did pursue the kiss, which he really wanted to right now, he didn't know how to proceed for the first time in his life. Cordelia was his best friend and nothing more, at least he thought until now. Pulling back from the kiss, he traced the line of her cheekbone, her head giving into the weight of her over-whelmed brain.

"Come on, let's go." He pulled her up out of the chair and started heading towards her bedroom door.

"Angel, what are we doing?" Cordelia whispered, clutching onto his hand as they made their way back into her bedroom, the lights turning off behind them courtesy of Dennis.

"We're going to get some sleep. And I'm not leaving you tonight. So don't argue." He told her, moving the suitcase over to the other side of the room as Dennis folded down the covers, allowing Cordelia to slip in prior to Angel. He strolled back to the queen sized mattress shedding his shows, socks and shirt and slipped in close to her. He slithered his arm around her tiny waist, snuggling her closer and giving her a soft kiss upon her forehead. It was going to take some work, but they were going to work this out. They had to, because he wasn't giving up not her or them and he wasn't going to let her leave. Like it or not, he was going to save her.


	4. Four

She was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, even with her hair thrown over her face, her mouth wide open and her butt sticking up in the air. Angel sat in the dark corner, just watching her, making sure she was still there. And she was. And that was what he wanted: her with him; always. He wasn't really sure what happened last night. He only knew that if he had left, she probably would have too, but she wouldn't have gone back to the hotel with him. Nope, she would probably be on a bus halfway to San Francisco, or wherever else she was planning on going. And that kiss. That kiss had sent a thousand lightning bolts through him, something that only happened once his lifetime and that had been a while ago. He really didn't know what to think of it and when she woke up she probably didn't want to discuss it. Running his hands over his oily hair and down his worn out face, the phone rang. And it was loud, causing Cordelia to stir just a bit before Angel picked it up and whisper a faint hello into it.

"Lorne? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to make sure that you were still there."

"I am. I'm not really sure if I'll be back today or not." Angel responded, scrubbing his head with edgy fingers.

"That's okay. We'll hold down the fort, you just stay with Cordelia." Lorne paused for a breath of air, or hesitated to say something else, Angel couldn't tell. "And Angel?"

"Yea."

"Listen to her. That's what she needs right now."

Angel hung up the phone and pushed the strands of hair back from Cordelia's face so he could see her eyes peaking out of the lids. He didn't say anything, just smiled. Listen. What else was he going to listen to? He had heard the grandmother stories, the Groo stories, her sniffles after crying for hours, her hard breathing during the night and even the two heartbeats beating as one. Listen. Maybe it was his turn to talk to her about what he actually listened to. Cordelia felt like her life was falling apart, and if he told her one more little tidbit like this, it just might.

She could see him staring at her. It was unnerving and weird, but comforting at the same time. She didn't know how long he had been up, probably since before dawn, but she was getting the feeling he had been in that chair beside her bed for a while. She didn't want to get up today. If she had had her way, she would be halfway to Timbuktu or Bali or maybe Aspen. She knew the boys and a certain ski instructor whose name was Sven would be happy to house her until she was ready to come back, if she was ready to come back. Groo leaving, a grandmother resurfacing and Angel sticking his butt into her business again, it just seemed like to much, and it was. She was only 23; she wasn't ready for this or for anything really. Something was wrong with her and she didn't know how to handle it or what to do about it. But then there was Angel, who always seemed to have the answers; who would swoop down and save her from the nasty demons that were catching up with her. Fully opening her eyes and stretching her arms over her head, she pulled down the covers and sat up in bed. The blinds were closed and Angel was nearly dozed off, his head dropping every few seconds.

"Dennis..." She whispered into vacant air above her bed. A tissue made it so Cordelia knew he was there, floating in front of her face. "Can you get my robe?" She asked again, the silky white coat floating over to her from her half packed suitcase in the corner.

"Thank you." She whispered again, grabbing the silk and wrapping it around her bare shoulders. Step by step she made it to the bathroom, hoping that a shower would do her good. Waterfalls down her back, warm to the nerves and her mind. The steam rising cleared her sinuses and her thoughts. Well, most of them anyhow. Maybe it was the steam that was playing with her or the scent of the new shower gel she had gotten, but of all the things that happened within the last month just seemed to be the worst. Or at least that was what her stomach was telling her. Quickly turning off the shower, she fumbled out of the bathtub and was head first into the toilet. She never got sick, never. The last time she was actually 'sick' was tenth grade when someone who was to remain nameless gave her the infamous kissing disease. She was in the hospital for three days and out of school for three more. Ever since then she had been the first candidate for the Marines and now...now she was sick? She didn't know; all she knew was that she wanted to go back to bed and that was not normal. Definitely not normal.

Doctors. What kind of doctor? He didn't know where to start, much less end. Angel squinted his eyes against the bright yellow pages and sat down at the kitchen table. She had been in the bathroom for over an hour and as soon as she got out and saw what he was doing, he knew that there would be another discussion about him saving her. As much talking as they did last night, he still didn't understand this concept of saving her. Flipping through the numerous pages, he finally found one that proved interesting at the best. _Specializing in abnormal cases._ Abnormal? Well, this was as abnormal as it was going to get. Dennis glided over a cup of blood and Angel gladly took it.

"Thank you Dennis." He told the ghost and took the cup from mid-air, taking a gulp of it. What was he doing? He was acting like a husband worried about his wife who didn't even know she was pregnant. Husband. That was a weird thing to think but then again, he kind of liked the idea of that as well. The door slammed down the hallway, alerting Angel to the arrival of the one and only Princess Cordelia. Was this it? His opportune moment to tell her that she was pregnant but that if she took an at home test it would come back negative. He didn't know, but maybe Dennis did. Or maybe Fred, Gunn, Wesley, or Lorne knew. Hopefully one of them did, because he had no clue how to handle this. He had had a child once, but now he was gone, wiped away into a dark hell dimension by time traveler with a thirst for vengeance. Of course, he didn't want to dwell on that. Maybe this was his second chance at having a child. Of course it wasn't his biological child, but maybe just maybe Cordelia would...no, nevermind. Thinking to hard again, Angel. He knocked his head with his fist, checking for any loose bolts knocked loose by the thought of Cordelia's lips on his. Her bare arms slipped around his shoulders and her attention shot to the yellow pages exposed.

"What's going on Angel?" A confused look came upon her brow as the chair slipped out from under the table courtesy of the friendly phantom that both of them were grateful for.

"Uh..." What was he supposed to say? Oh yea, Cordy, I'm in love with you and last night while you were sleeping I heard two heartbeats. Yea, that would go over well. Then she would ask how he knew. Hello: vampire hearing, a great asset that if he turned human tomorrow, he would miss dearly. Especially when it came to Cordelia and overhearing her conversations with Fred. He ease drop every now and then to hear them giggling about girl stuff, fashion by Cordy's choice, boys and food by Fred's choice. It was funny, really, he remembered one conversation very well, like it was yesterday.

"_Cordy, can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure, Fred." Cordy leaned forward and propped her elbows up on the desk. Closing the fashion magazine before her, she pulled her full attention to the shy girl she had taken under her wing._

"_About this shanshu thing, what do you think he would do first?"_

"_Him, personally? I don't really know. I suppose he would go back to Buffy. But I can't speak for him, sweetie."_

"_What would you do, you know, if this shanshu thing happened tomorrow?" Fred asked, leaning forward in the chair, her every move depending on the seer in front of her. He could see Cordy out of the corner of his eye, her thinking about what she would do. Taking a deep breath, she smiled at her apprentice, searching for an answer deep in her heart and soul._

"_I'd take him to the beach. I remember this one time, when Doyle was still around and Angel had gotten this ring which enabled a vampire to go out into the sunlight without you know, bursting into flames and becoming a crispy critter. He was so happy that day. Well, not perfectly happy, but happy. You know, two hundred years between sunsets is a long time. And seeing your boss and best friend in the sun, is kind of a good feeling. Too bad he had to smash it, we could've had normal business hours."_

"_Kyerumption."_

"_Fred, what did we say about that word?"_

"_Sorry, it's just well...sorry."_

"Angel? Earth to Angel?" Cordelia waved her hand in front of his blank staring face. Shaking out of his recollection of the conversation, he clasped her hand and pulled it up to his lips. Kissing the lightly bronzed tone that was her skin, he didn't feel the need to let go. She probably had the urge to yank it back and knock him upside the head, but she didn't.

"Angel, what's going on?" Her voice faltered, concerned why exactly he was giving her the silent treatment. It wasn't like the silent treatment was odd or anything because he did give her or one of the other members of their family the silent treatment at least once a week. Deep breath aside, he hoped he had enough courage to tell her what had been running through his mind since last night. Faint smile headed her way was over, but then came the hard part: telling her.

"I need to tell you something..."


	5. Five

"I wonder what's keeping them." Fred pondered, her chin propped up in the cup of her hand, elbow on the counter. Gunn and Wes looked at her, still flipping through the channels on the miniature television that Wes had stashed. It had been three days since Angel set up the appointment for Cordelia and she went kicking and screaming all the way there. She didn't want to go, let alone believe that it was true. But then again, Angel had his super vampire hearing and could hear almost anything and everything.

"Fred, stop wondering and just call." Gunn told her, stopping at the classic Road Runner vs. Wile E. Coyote rivalry cartoon on television. It was small, but it was still funny.

"I'm not going to call. I'll probably interrupt." She told him, swirling in her chair and starting at him.

"Interrupt what?"

"Their fight."

"How do you know they'll be fighting?"

"When have you ever known Cordelia and Angel not to fight and hello, kyerumption."

"Sugar pie..." Lorne called to her, sipping his sea breeze and looking over the latest entertainment magazine that had come in the mail only yesterday.

"Oh, sorry. I used that word again."

"You can use it around us. Just not them." Lorne told her, smiling his bright white teeth and red lips over at her. It was strange really, when Cordelia and Angel weren't fighting they were joking with each other. As long as Fred had known them, and that wasn't for long, she had come to know that they were the best friends, the unbreakable duo that stood through everything together and whenever possible, liked to play practical jokes on Wesley and Lorne. It was funny, she remembered, when Cordelia had volunteered herself to cut Wesley's hair. Using Angel as a witness, Gunn, Fred and he watched as the scissors skimmed across Wesley's then curly hair and made it into a Mohawk.

"I just hope she's okay." Fred said aloud, returning to her book and dismissing the fantasy in her mind that Angel and Cordelia were back at her apartment making out like a couple of teenagers.

Black leather coat hung on her shoulders, followed by a man's strong hand and the small of her back. It felt good having him there with her, and also unnerving knowing that he knew even before she did. How could this be possible? Well, she knew how-how, but not how. Pregnant. Eight Weeks. Heartbeat. Another life. In her body. How was she going to do this? How the hell was this possible? She couldn't be pregnant, she just couldn't. What on earth was she going to do? Dennis opened the door two seconds before Angel's hand reached to open it for them. She walked in slowly, head hung down as she headed straight for the couch. Angel followed her, staying close and true to his seer that she thought he really didn't need anymore.

"Cordy..."

"You can't save me now, can you?" Her tearful eyes looked up into his sympathetic chocolate ones, hoping for a way; a way to make everything alright. He didn't say anything, but just pulled her body into his and kissed her forehead. Then more tears came, and he wanted to make it go away if she wanted it to go away, he wanted to make it all better, like a champion was supposed to do. But all he did was hold her, because that's what she wanted and that's all he could do for the moment.

It was nonsense, right? Complete and total nonsense. She shouldn't even be thinking about it. But she was. She knew she wasn't ready to have a baby, let alone raise one. It had been a different deal with Connor, she was an 'aunt' not a 'mom'. She packed up a few more things and shut the suitcase tight. She was just going to visit this grandmother, she reminded herself. Visit. With Angel. Boy, would that go over well when she would ask her 'grandmother' to close all the drapes and blinds, covering the sun from burning her champion to bitter dust. Then would come the discussion of 'what have you been doing with your life?' and 'what kind of job do you have?' and the big one, 'are you seeing anyone?'

"Whatcha doing?" Cordelia jumped a little, not expecting to hear Fred's petite voice behind her. Turning, she saw her apprentice with a great big smile on her face and questions on her mind. She couldn't do this. She couldn't.

"Hi Fred." Cordy whispered up to her, sitting on a bare space of floral comforter that was placed upon her bed. Planting her head and welling up tears in her hands, she absolutely knew she couldn't do this; having a baby, visiting a long-lost grandmother and asking for money. She needed Angel, wrapping his big strong arms around her, telling her everything will be alright. At least that made it more bearable.

"Do you need any help?" Fred took a seat beside Cordelia, placing her skinny little hand upon the back of her shoulder, consoling her friend like a sister.

"I'll be fine, Fred." Cordelia pulled her hands to the edge of the bed and forced out a smile, not really meaning any of the words that had come out of her mouth.

"Cordy, everything will be alright."

"How do you know Fred? How could you positively know that everything is going to be alright?" She asked the slender brunette, sitting beside her. Fred scooped her legs up on the bed, sitting Indian style and facing her. She grabbed Cordelia's hand and squeezed them tight.

"Because you're Cordelia Chase, the strongest, most beautiful woman in Los Angeles. And you can get through anything."

Although her words were encouraging, Cordelia still felt uneasy and unsure of everything. And why shouldn't she? Groo left her pregnant, a long-lost grandmother suddenly appears and wants to see her, and...she didn't know what else, but as long as things were like this, she knew there would be something else.

"How do you know that Fred? How?" Cordelia dipped her head back down, cradling her noggin with her hands.

"Because if you can get through almost three years with Mr. Broody, Captain Research, and the Fast Fingers Gunn, then you can get through anything. And you want a bonus?"

"What's that?"

"You got me." Fred assured her, brushing over Cordelia's chestnut hair and taking her in a hug. She wasn't going to let her role model down. And she was right, she knew she was. Cordelia Chase could get through anything.


	6. Six

There she was. Walking back into the hotel with Fred at her side. Suitcases were set down and Fred ushered Cordelia to the round sofa in the middle of the lobby. Was this the right thing to do? He prayed to God that it was. Funny though, he hadn't prayed to God or any other deity in over a hundred years, not counting the Drusilla scandal in Angelus' past, but he felt the need to pray for this. For her, for that life inside of her. For all of them. She was greeted by her family, Lorne kissing her cheek and rubbing her stomach. Yea, that was going to go over well. Gunn just hugged her and let her feel the comfort in his arms. Fred was still by her side when it was Wesley's turn. That was the most tear-jerking reunion that anyone could imagine. He held her, like a brother to a sister who was hurting, who was in pain, who was in need of answers that no one had. His vampire hearing came in handy again, as he heard what was to be a private conversation between them.

"Hi." Wesley whispered into her ear.

"Hi." She whispered back, still leaning her head onto his chest.

"I love you."

"I love you too." She lifted her head then, and took a step back to see her watery eyes mimicked by hers. "I'm fine, don't worry." She choked back the tears that were going to fall any minute now.

"Sure you are." Wesley pulled her back into his arms and Angel heard her start to cry. This was it; this was all he could do. He couldn't take the pain away, he didn't want to take the baby away from her, and he didn't want to do anything but be with her. In some weird way, he could imagine her with him for the rest of their lives. He had always thought of Buffy as the one he wanted to be with, but that wasn't the case at all. It was Cordelia who kept him from slipping back into the darkness, it was her who still believed in him after all they had been through. Shaking his head, he was drawn back into his bedroom to finish his packing. Gretchen Chase, grandmother to Cordelia, once presumed dead was now begging to see her only granddaughter. What she really wanted, nor Angel or Cordelia didn't know. So they were going to find out and then just slip the news out that Cordelia was pregnant. Maybe she had money, they didn't know that either, all they knew was she wanted to see her and Angel was going with her. Okay, suitcase done. Black pants, black shirts, black boxers, black socks. Yep, that should do it. Sitting down on the bed, he pulled his hands to his face again, rubbing away the sleepiness that was running through his veins. He wanted to protect her, wanted to save her. There we go again, with the saving. What was it about saving her that was so bad? He didn't think there was anything wrong with saving her, maybe he wanted to save her too much. Three knocks on his door made him divert his attention to Lorne gracing his presence with a bright blue suit on.

"Didn't you wear that yesterday?" Lorne asked, leaning in his room but not budging from his current stance.

"Spill it now."

"Spill what?" Lorne asked gaining a death glare from Angel. "Okay, okay." Lorne held his hands up in defeat, walking into the large estate like room and taking a seat in Angel's Alice-in-Wonderland chair. He was going to talk, but instead he just stared, looking into Angel's flashy soul.

"Lorne!"

"Hold on just a minute buster. What are you thinking?" Lorne leaned forward, clasping his hands together and tried to make eye contact with the dark avenger. "Angel?"

"What Lorne?" Angel threw his hands up in the air and started to pace the floor between the bed and the chair. He was tired of holding it in, all the emotions he was holding inside for the sake of Cordelia. He didn't want to fall apart with her, in front of her. "I don't know what to do anymore. When she hurts, I hurt. When she cries, I want to cry with her." Angel paused, looking at the empathy for any kind of answer, but Lorne gave him nothing. "I just want...want...I don't know what I want anymore."

"Sure you do. It's staring you right in the face, Angel."

"Well it isn't you." Angel responded sarcastically, still adjusting to having some of his thoughts and emotions out of his head and into Lorne's instead.

"No, it's not. And I'm not going to give you an answer to the million questions zooming in and out of your head. I'm not going to tell you that everything will be alright, because frankly, I don't know that. You know what you need to do." Lorne stood up, patting him on the back and exiting the room quickly, leaving Angel to contemplate even more questions running through his head. He didn't want to deal with this. Not now. All he wanted right now was to get Cordelia in his Plymouth and drive until they reached Tacoma. Grabbing his suitcase and his watch off of the side table, he quickly scrambled out of the room wanting to get to Cordy. His Cordy.

The scent of her gardenia fragrance was enchanting. He could smell it from the stairwell and it was getting stronger with every step he took, enticing his senses and arousing him in ways that only she could arose him. This was not normal. Sure, he had had feelings for her for a long time, but then Groo came back and ruined his master plan of romancing Cordelia. He never thought that the Groosalugg would leave. He was Cordelia's dream man, a champion, warrior, all around good guy from a hell dimension. Okay Angel, snap out of it. It's Cordelia. _Your_ Cordelia. Shaking his head again, _no, no, and double no._ Finally setting his suitcase next to hers, he heard her talking to the gang about what was going to happen.

"We'll only be a day or two. Hopefully."

"I think we'll manage." Gunn butted in, probably hurting Cordy's feelings a bit. Angel wanted to bust in there and bust up Gunn's bottom jaw for saying that. _Cool down Angel, _he reminded himself. This was going to be easy. Very easy. Go in and get Cordy, say goodbye and hit the road. All without him imagining last night's encounter, which he wasn't going to go back into. Yea, that would be easy. The very thought of it made him remove his jacket and hold it in front of him. She had looked so...beautiful, there was no other way to describe her. Long silk robe covering her for now slender figure, standing in front of the sink, putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. He remembered coming up behind her, so quietly, and tracing the back of her neck with his index finger. The feelings were definitely back and he didn't want to hide them any longer. Only problem was that this was probably the worse time to bring them up. _Okay, enough of that. Enough!_

"Lorne, is Angel coming?" He heard her ask the green demon.

"I'm here." He shouted from the lobby, Cordelia getting up and heading out to him. "Are you ready?"

"Actually..." Cordelia looked back to the gang and then back to him, clasping his hand in hers. "I'm kind of hungry and I wanted to have dinner."

"We can do that."

"All of us, having dinner. Diner down the street."

"Sounds good." Angel told her, his left hand rubbing the side of her arm, and the other reaching for the back of head. He pulled her closer and placed a kiss upon her forehead. Change of plans: get Cordelia, have 'family' dinner, say goodbye, then hit the road.

"Uh, I think I'll stay behind." Lorne spoke up, not knowing the diner down the street was accustomed to anything and every kind of demon there was.

"No you won't. Make a pregnant lady happy and come with us." Cordelia slipped out of Angel's embrace and took a hold of Lorne before he could bolt. Lorne looked from Angel to Fred to Gunn to Wes and back to Angel again, pleading and begging for them to help him.

"You heard the lady." Gunn finally said, waiting on Lorne to look Cordelia in the eyes and try to tell her no. Without any words, Cordelia hooked her other arm into Fred's and started to walk out the door, followed by the gentlemen. She was going to be a mother, Angel realized. She was perfect for the job, heck she was practically the mother figure of their family, and that made her perfect for the job. Walking side by side with Wesley and Gunn, he couldn't help but stare at her. Dinner was a good idea. He didn't eat much being a vampire and all, but food, sounded good.


	7. Seven

You'd think by now that one would be used to a person's snoring by staying with them every night for the past two weeks, but Angel was still getting used to Cordelia's. It was weird, thinking of how big her lungs actually were to produce that much noise. They hadn't been in the car long, just passed by Sacramento, but Cordelia fell asleep right away. It had to be the baby. Everything she looked at nowadays either made her sick or tired. And as much as he liked taking care of her, he kind of missed her cheery normal self. He missed the heart to unbeating heart conversations they had; especially the ones about nothing at all.

_"Angel, would you stop that." She begged him. After hearing the pencil eraser tap on the counter for twenty minutes it got annoying._

_"Stop what?"_

_"You know exactly what I'm talking about. So, stop." Her eyes never left the computer screen as he twirled himself around on the stool and started to look at her. "What?" She had that 'I know what you're doing and I want to know why' tone in her voice._

_"Nothing."_

_"Angel."_

_"What?"_

_"Angel." She stated his name again, knowing that he knew what she was going after._

_"What?" He asked again, raising his hands up in surrender for nothing. He didn't know what she was going after, which was unusual and it bugged him._

_"Are you going to help Wesley and Gunn or not?"_

_"With what?" Angel asked, cocking his eyebrow to bare his 'I don't know what you're talking about please elaborate' look._

_"I give up!" She threw her hands up in the air and got out of her chair. When she touched his arm, he quickly got out of the chair, literally afraid of what she might do. Smacking his butt on the way to Wesley's office, he did a 360 and a surprised look came about his face._

_"What was that for?"_

_"Shoo." She replied, pushing him into the office and sliding the door shut._

Conversations about nothing. Those were the ones he looked forward to the most. Pulling his eyes back to the road, he concentrated on getting to Tacoma in record time. This grandmother better be worth it.

Tea was served, Angel held Cordelia's back as they patiently waited in the conservatory for the grandmother that had been so intent on seeing Cordelia. The expression on her face wasn't good either. He could tell she was nervous and Cordelia never got nervous. She was confident, unruly, strong, never nervous or unsure of herself. Grabbing her hand, she flinched backward not expecting his touch. Squeezing it hard, he gave her a wink and a smile, knowing everything would be alright. He prayed everything would be alright. She turned all the way around and Angel wrapped his arms around her, looking into worried hazel eyes. He kissed her forehead as her head smudged into his chest.

"What is it with you and black?" She muttered into the black sweater he had on. All he could do was laugh. She was about to meet her long lost grandmother for the first time and all she had to say was something about his outfit, which was normal but this was her grandmother. He stroked her back making her head shot up to see him again.

"I guess I can't back out now?"

"Not a chance." He told her, laying a kiss upon her hand and shooting his eyes towards the doorway where a lady stood, waiting on their attention. He presumed it was Gretchen Chase. She looked just like Cordelia, brown eyes, brown hair, smile as big as the sunset. It was her alright; he just didn't know how to proceed. Shaking her hand seeming to plain and bowing seemed to chivalrous. He left it up to Cordelia.

She was wrapped in blankets, sitting on the bed with a pillow clutched to her chest. She was tired yet she wasn't ready to fall asleep. Lord help her, but she wanted Angel. She wanted him to just hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright; just like every night. He had held her tight, listened to her snore, watched Friends reruns and made her breakfast every morning. She was getting used to it to fast. Way too fast. She didn't want to close her eyes, fearing that all she hear or see was the face of an innocent fetus squirming in her arms, like baby Connor had. Looking up from the pillow there he was again, standing there staring. Just like in a fairytale, Prince Charming and Handsome would ride up on a white horse or an old Plymouth in her case and rescue the princess trapped by the evil queen, or imaginary demons that were haunting her. She had gotten to know her 'grandmother' Gretchen Chase earlier in the evening and she was nice, maybe a little too nice. She and Angel had been chatting in the conservatory while she, thanks to the moving little brat inside of her, was in the bathroom throwing up most of the veal parmesan that was served for dinner. She didn't want to reach for him, but she found herself doing just that. He walked forward, moved her over on the bed and embraced her. His strong arms felt good around her, warming her from the inside out.

"Okay, so, we talked and..." Before he could even finish she cut him off with a kiss. She didn't want to talk right now, all she wanted was to be with him. She didn't want to hear that Gretchen wanted her to stay not only because of the recent news that she was going to be a great grandmother but because she wanted a family member near her. She didn't want to hear Angel's rational debate on why she should or shouldn't stay. She just wanted his lips on hers. And they were, moving about hers, sending tingling sensations all the way down to her toes. Lord help her again, but she didn't want to stop. Somehow, kissing him made everything seem alright. Just like in a fairytale.

And just like a fairytale, she woke up in Prince Charming and Handsome's arms. They were under the blankets, completely wrapped in each other's embrace. Then she saw the sunlight beaming into the room, almost to the point of burning her lover to a crisp. Mrs. Chase's maids would certainly have a time cleaning the dust out of the direct-from-France satin and lace comforter and that would have to be another made up story from Cordelia's mouth. She quickly hoped out of bed and scurried over to the window, pulling the curtains with full strength and almost pulling them down in the process. Whipping herself back around, she stood still for a second praying the room would stop spinning. It did, but not before Angel got up to catch her yet again.

"Morning."

"Morning." He kissed the top of her nose. "Sleep well?"

"Yes, I did. How about you?" She wrapped her arms around his waist almost touching her hand to the other.

"I did." He held her tight and she could feel the resistance in his touch. He usually held her with a 'champion-that-saves-the-princess' embrace. Instead she felt the 'we-need-to-actually-sit-down-and-talk' embrace, the one that she didn't want to do.

"Okay, you win."

"I win? What's the prize?"

"No prize. Just me giving into your smile and 'talk-now-or-die' brow."

"We do need to talk about it."

"She wants me to stay doesn't she?" Cordelia sat herself down on the loveseat situated in the corner of the suite. Angel followed her as she pulled her legs up to hug.

"What do you want Cordelia?"

"Tell me what she said first."

"Cordy..."

"Make a pregnant woman happy."

"That excuse is not going to work everytime Cordy."

"Sure it is. Now tell me." Cordelia smiled over at him, sparkle in her eyes knowing she had won. Angel gave up, gave in. He always gave in to her. Call it a weakness.

"She would like you to stay, yes, but she's not dependent on it. And she wants to help, with the baby. She also told me that if you go back to LA, she wants visitation rights with her granddaughter and great-grandchild." He hesitated asking her again but he knew it had to be done. "Now, what do you want?"

"What do I want? Hmmm, that's a toughie." She bit her lower lip in sarcasm and looked back at him. "I want not to be pregnant. I want to be home in Los Angeles with our family. I want to have baby Connor back in my arms. I want to go back to the ballet without Groo showing up. I want my supernatural, freaky, never a dull moment life back."

"Cordy..." He reached for her hand and clasped it tight, feeling her sweaty palms come alive. "Stop that." He told her, her fingernails hovering over his palm and kind of tickling him.

"How long does she want me to stay?"

"I don't know. But don't decide this for her. Do it for you, for that baby."

She thought about that: the baby. She was sixteen weeks now and not even starting to show. But, truly, what about the baby? If she stayed here, Angel would probably go back to Los Angeles, fight the good fight down there and she couldn't imagine herself going through this without him. But then if she went back with him they would be fighting demons everyday and probably be putting the baby in danger and even though the gang would be their family, it would still be dangerous. Looking up at Angel, she didn't know what to do and she knew he could tell.

"For the baby?" She answered back, leaning over into his lips and coming back up for a breath.

"For the baby."


	8. Eight

Two a.m. was too early. Way too early. But she couldn't sleep. She kept worrying and thinking about her choice. Was she making the right one? Right now she needed guidance, and didn't want it from Angel. Maybe Lorne was up. She could only hope he was because she needed someone to talk to. Gunn would probably just fall asleep on the other line, Fred would babble her head off, Wesley would keep her entertained with the 'uh huh' and 'hmmm' and the 'I understand'. But she didn't need that, didn't want that, even though the sound of Fred's babbling sounded good to keep her mind off of what was bothering her. She rolled her eyes over to the clock again. 2:02. This was ridiculous, she was in the biggest, warmest bed in the arms of a man who loved her. But even he couldn't offer her the best advice right now, they both knew that. She kissed him on the cheek and slipped out of his arms. With her robe placed upon her shoulders, she shut the door slowly as not to wake Angel up from his slumber and walked down towards the study, which was loaded with books upon books. It would probably knock Wesley's socks off. Hoping no one else was awake, she slid the pocket door behind her and jumped out of her slippers when she saw Gretchen Chase in a library chair smoking a cigarette and drinking a scotch.

"Oh, I didn't realize anyone was awake. I'm sorry." She quickly apologized and started to retreat her steps when Gretchen stopped her.

"Cordelia, come. Sit. Keep me company." Gretchen patted the chair next to her, setting her drink down and flicking the ashes from her cigarette in the ashtray set on the coffee table before her. Cordelia did as asked. Still feeling uncomfortable she pulled her legs up to her chest and stared over at elderly lady. It wasn't what she pictured at all: scotch, cigarette and smoking jacket to boot. She imagined pretty little hats on the top of her head, tea biscuits served promptly at four in the afternoon and white lace gloves placed properly on her lap.

"I imagine this is not what you expected." Gretchen blew out a puff of smoke and took a gulp of her scotch.

"No, it's not."

"You probably imagined white gloves, tea time and a little white hat placed upon my head, right?"

"Yea, I did."

"Well, that's not me, will never be me." She took another drink of her scotch and set the now empty glass on the coffee table and looked over to Cordelia. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Oh, I'm fine."

"You're up early. Couldn't sleep?"

"Not really."

"I can see how you couldn't, being in a strange house in a strange city and a child moving inside of you, growing every day." Gretchen put her cigarette out and reached for a tiny purse on the edge of the table. "Gum?" She asked, opening up the purse and taking out a skinny silver paper for herself and offering one to Cordelia. She shook her head no and Gretchen folded the sugary goodness up and plopped it in her mouth.

"Maybe this is just me, but why do you chew gum after all of that? It won't mask anything."

"I know, but it always tastes good after a scotch." Gretchen smiled again, looking at Cordelia's worry lines that had surfaced over the past two weeks. "Has Angel talked to you yet?"

"About me staying here? Yea."

"Still not sure?"

"Yea. Having doubts. I mean, no offense or anything, but I hardly know you."

"I know you don't. This decision it totally up to you and I don't want to pressure you into anything. If you do go back to Los Angeles, I'd be able to help in my own little way."

"Are you talking about money?"

"Yes, money. Plus, I also want visitation rights to you and that baby." Gretchen smiled over at Cordelia, whose head was lowering a bit probably thinking to hard about what she should do. "This Angel fellow...he's nice."

"Yea, he is, isn't he?"

"He says he's your friend. But something tells me that he's more than that."

Cordelia looked up at her then, a little shocked at what her newly acquired grandmother could pick up on within the eight hours that she had spent with them.

"He's good to you. I like that."

"I like that too." Cordelia thought about that then, how good he actually was to her. It was comforting really, knowing that she could always depend on him. Somehow this whole story of her not wanting him to save her got twisted around and she found herself wanting him to save her. Save her from this loop hole that she was being thrown into. Gretchen patted Cordelia on the knee and stood up, taking off her smoking jacket and setting it over the back of the chair.

"Let's get you to bed." She took a hold of her hand and they walked down the hall, with Gretchen seeing that Cordelia was safe in bed. Cordelia snuggled back up to Angel's side and found herself getting used to him being there, by her side and in her bed. He twisted about and lifted his arm to pull her closer to him.

"Angel..." She whispered to him.

"Hmmm."

"Save me."


	9. Nine

**Three Months Later**

It was odd. She could always tell when Angel was bothered by something, someone or he was just mad at the world. But for somehow today, she couldn't read him. His brow was creased, his attention immersed in an ancient scroll along with Wesley and every two or three minutes he kept twisting his head and checking the time. For the past few days, she stayed at her apartment alone and urging for his touch. It was strange not having him there by her side, but then again she just assumed he needed some space. She wondered if she should just come out and ask him if her idea was a good one or not. She had mentioned moving into the hotel with him a few weeks ago and until this day had not heard a peep out of him or anyone else regarding the situation.

"Hey." Fred came up smiling and giggling, blocking her view of the vampire's face and sat in the chair and looking over at Cordelia.

"Hey Fred. What's up?" Cordy pulled her attention back to the pending files in front of her. Mrs. Hansen and Dr. Yoro had still not paid their bills and every call was getting more and more difficult.

"Well, I was thinking..."

"Ask Angel, Fred."

"You don't even know what it is." Fred defended herself.

"If it has anything to do with a certain client that hasn't paid their bills, I'm all ears. But if it has anything to do with Angel and ice cream and all of us together, you need to ask him." Cordelia told her, clutching her budding tummy as she felt the baby's feet nudge into her side. Her expression told Fred what just happened.

"Was that the baby? Can I feel?" Fred perked up and hurried over to Cordy's side, hoping to feel at least one kick from inside.

"Sure. Here." Cordelia grabbed her hand and softly placed it upon her stomach, letting Fred wait to feel the pain this child was causing her. With that, three more kicks came, right in the same place. "Sheesh...this kid has definitely got some strength."

"Wow. That is so cool. I mean, a life, inside of you...it's so amazing." Fred returned back to her chair, grabbing for some of the pending files that Wesley had stacked up for the both of them to go through. "So, have you gone through names?"

"A little. I've already got a boy's name and no one, and I mean no one will change my mind on that one." Cordelia stressed.

"What's the name?"

"Doyle. If this child turns out to be of the male sex, Doyle will be in his name somewhere."

"I like that. Do you know exactly what it means?" Fred asked, looking over Mr. And Mrs. Johnson's file and contemplating why they weren't able to pay their bill when they just bought a new Mercedes a month ago.

"Not really. Doyle was a friend of mine and Angel's. He's the one who gave me the visions. I miss him." Cordelia got a little reminiscent remembering the last time she had seen him. It had been over four years ago when he took that leap to save them all. She missed him, she really did. Who knows, maybe if he hadn't had took that leap, maybe this would be his baby, they would be married and have a house in the suburbs, a ski house in Aspen and a beach house in Malibu, or maybe, just maybe they would be living in Dublin and she would come to know where he came from, what his family was like. She wondered sometimes if he had still been around, would she still have fallen in love with Angel? Or would it be Doyle all the way?

"Cordy? Cordy..." Gunn's hand waved in front of her face snapping her out of the daze and into another. She clutched his hand, steadying herself for the vision up ahead. Demon. Yellow and Orange. Kids. Park. Parents. Strollers. Noon.

"Noon today, orange and yellowish demons attacking kids and mothers. Four maybe three claws. Eyes all over."

"I'm on it."

"Gunn, there were strollers."

"Don't worry, nothing will happen to those kids or the strollers." Gunn squeezed her hand back and headed towards the weapons cabinet. "Wesley!" He yelled for his colleague who came out of the office with his face still deep in a sixth century Niwya translating dictionary.

"Hmmm?"

"Wesley, get yo' head out of that damn book and tell me how to kill this demon."

"What demon?" His head shot up with wide eyes and a question on his mind.

"I had a vision. Orange and Yellow type demon. Three or four claws, coming up to eat some kids and parents in the park at noon."

"Sounds like a Paruklan. Easy to kill. Slice it in half." He responded, going back over to his bookshelf and taking another reference just to make sure. It was. "Need me to go with?"

"Yes, we need to get you and you out of the house." Gunn said, handing over an axe to Wesley and handing Fred a small but pointy and dangerous knife. They left the hotel, purposely leaving her alone with Angel again. Thank you Gunn, she made a mental note in her mind to give him a huge hug whenever the three of them got back. Now was the time to make her move. Getting up out of the chair, she steadied herself before walking into the office and waking Angel from his daydream as well. She tried her hardest to skate around the issue at hand, but truth was that that was all that was on her mind. And why the hell was he checking the clock again? It had only been two minutes since the others left and she knew Angel was skipping around the conversation as well. He looked up and over at her, offering her a smile along the way and then back into a book his head went. She knew he had an obsession with old books but he was never this interested in them. Plus, translating ancient texts alongside Wesley was not what he or she called a holiday. Wesley was nasty when he was translating, usually locking himself in a room for two or three days with mounds of books, Mozart playing on the radio and a bottle of fine wine. She was just now getting up the nerve to ask him about their fight the other week about the hotel when the phone rang.

"Dammit." She muttered under her breath and stalked out of the office and back to her desk. "Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless. How can I help you?"

"Cordelia? Is Angel there?" Lorne's frantic voice was on the phone in urgent need of a champion. _Some champion_, she thought. The 'champion' wouldn't even look her straight in the eye.

"Yea, just a minute Lorne." She set the phone down on her desk and signaled for Angel as she took a seat, already feeling fatigued by walked two feet and back again.

"Lorne? What's up?" Angel held the phone to his ears as Lorne yelled back, obviously frightened about something. "Wait, just a minute. Slow down."

"Okay, okay. This ghost of a roommate that Cordelia has is psycho." Lorne's voice barely made it past the receiver and into Cordelia's eardrum. _What the heck was Lorne doing with Dennis? And why did Angel know about it?_

"He's not that bad. What exactly is he doing?"

"Oh nothing, just causing a tornado in the middle of the living room while George and I are struggling to take the last of her suitcases out."

"But didn't we take care of that phantom situation yet?"

"No, not yet. My friend is supposed to be here within the hour."

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Positive."

"Okay, but be careful and tell him not to break any more vases or unicorns." Angel hung up the phone next to her and returned to the office. That was it! He was going to tell her something now or she was gone, for good. Well, not for good, she couldn't imagine if she did leave. Where the heck would she go? Well, Tacoma was a possibility but too far away from the things she knew.

"Angel, what's going on?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You're not the only one who has good hearing around here. Please tell me." Cordelia pleaded with him, slowly trying to get up from the chair again. He came back out and helped her out of the chair, his hands trailing down her back for support.

"I guess that I can show you now. But when the rest of the guys get back, you have to act surprised. Deal?"

"Surprised about what?"

"Come on, I'll show you." He kissed her nose and grabbed onto her hand, leading her out to the lobby and up the right staircase. This had better be good, she thought, taking one step at a time behind him. For all she knew it was a trap, probably to lock her in a cage and hold her there until the baby was born. Maybe Wolfram & Hart was after them again. But no, Angel wouldn't do that to her, she hoped, no, she knew he wouldn't do that. Past his room and down two doors to number 217 and stopped.

"Okay, this is it." He told her, still clutching onto her hand tightly.

"What's it?" She asked again, still confused about what the heck was going on. He opened the door to the room unveiling a newly furnished bedroom suite complete with a king sized bed and a new window seat overlooking the courtyard. "Oh my gosh..." She held her hands up to her mouth and entered the large quarters filled with most of her belongings already. She went over to the bed picking up one of her quilts. "This is mine. You've been stealing from my apartment?"

"No, more borrowing then stealing..." Angel told her still standing outside the archway.

"Why aren't you coming in?"

"Because I have to be invited in."

"But this is your hotel and your room." She told him sitting down on the comfy mattress and looking around the room.

"Actually...it's your room." He stated, her head doing a three sixty back around to him. "Our conversation about two weeks ago...well, I kind of took the liberty to..."

"To just transport my stuff over to this room one by one without me knowing about it?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So you want me to live here, with you and Lorne and Fred?"

"Only if you want to, I mean, you are the one who mentioned it." Angel said, trying to get to the bottom of her meaning of moving into the hotel with them. She smiled over at him, wanting to get up and go over to him but her current state banned her from doing so.

"Then I invite you in." She said as he crossed the threshold and came over to her side. "And this phantom thing you mentioned on the phone with Lorne?"

"Dennis. We're bringing him over here."

"How? I thought he was like permanently attached to that apartment."

"Well, in about twenty minutes he won't be." He watched her, her eyes still darting around the suite that Lorne had designed for her. It was perfect for her and the baby, but that was another surprise that she didn't know of yet. "So, you're going to act surprised when the guys come right?"

"Yes, I will. I'm still in shock."

"Shake on that?" He offered her his hand, hoping she would.

"No. Kiss on that." With that, she grabbed his hand and brought her lips up to his. "Did I mention that I love you?" She asked with her arms still up and around his neck. This was probably the best present he could give her. It was perfect and she could give all the credit to the man...pire in her arms.

"This is absolutely amazing." She said as she lifted her hands up to her mouth again. The room between hers and Angel's rooms was a fully decorated nursery complete with changing table, crib, full supply of diapers left over from Connor's reign as baby of the Fang Gang and some other store bought ones for an infant, and closet full of no-gender specified clothes. The gang had really pulled a funny on her this time, keeping her out of the loop for so long and the bags. The bags stocked full of whatever in Gunn and Fred's arms every day with them, she presumed, going up to Fred's room should've been a hint. She walked in after Fred and ran her hand over the quilt lying upon the rocking chair in the corner and took in the whole of it.

"So do ya like it?" Fred's Texas accent came out to play with a big smile upon her face as the boys stayed quietly behind them, silently watching the expectant mother get emotional over a pack of diapers and a rocking chair.

"Do I like it? No, honey I don't." Cordelia told her, reaching for a tissue from the box on the table next to her.

"You don't?" Wesley asked, coming around her and looking at her with concern.

"You better like it because we spent a hell of a time on this." Gunn spit out next.

"Yo, hold back on the yell-fest on Cordelia." She put her hands up to stop them and wiped the tears from her face. "I love it. I absolutely love it." Cordelia pulled herself up off the rocking chair and gave them all a hug. It was worth it. Now all she had to figure out was this Dennis thing.

note: I couldn't remember the number on Angel's door to his room, so I made a number up for Cordelia's.


	10. Ten

A day or two went by with her still getting used to the bed in her new bedroom suite along with Dennis and Angel only two doors away. It was a good thing that the interlocking door was opened between them. She made him keep it open just to make her feel safe. In all honesty though, she was kind of hoping that he would slide in next to her during the night, but it hadn't happened yet. And she didn't want to seem too forward with her doing the same over in his room. He was probably as wide awake as she was, thinking about everything and anything. She was mostly thinking about the baby though, the kicking getting stronger, her belly getting bigger and her anticipation expanding like a balloon.

Her and Fred had sat down yesterday and came up with the boys name together. Doyle, for her hero and James, because it went well together. So, if this baby turned out to be of the male gender, which the guys were betting on, his name, would become Doyle James Chase. Cordelia was still unsure about a girl's name, all because she didn't have any kind of namesake to give her, not that she wanted to or anything like that, but she wasn't expecting a girl either. She wished Angel would at least help her on that one but he had made a point not to be involved in the baby's namesake, his personal feelings getting in the way and him wanting to name the baby whether it be boy or girl Cordelia, all because he thought that they couldn't just have one Cordelia in the family. She rolled her eyes and laughed at him every time he used that excuse.

She turned herself over and looked at the clock on her side table. 4 a.m. What was it with pregnancy and the urgency to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Flipping on the light, she tossed the comforter off of her body and set her feet on the floor. Wow. She could still see her feet. Last time she was pregnant, she remembered drinking Angel's blood and she definitely couldn't see her feet. She was expecting not to see her feet, but the drinking of Angel's blood thing was definitely not going to happen again. The bathroom toilet seat proved profitable but when she got up again, she felt something go wrong. Funny you should mention blood Cordelia, she scolded herself as she looked in the toilet bowl and saw a spot, many spots for that fact. That was not normal. What did that mean? For her and for the baby? She quickly stumbled out of the bathroom and went straight to Angel's room, not stopping for her robe or the pants that accompanied her pajama set.

"Angel?" She whispered. He twisted in his bed and slightly opened his eyes to see her standing there.

"What's wrong?" He pulled his legs out from under the covers and set his feet on the floor, running his hands over his face to erase the sleepiness.

"I think I need to go to the hospital." She told him, holding onto her protruding belly.

"What for?" He asked, his head shooting up in complete and udder worry.

"I just need to go to the hospital. Please." She pleaded, coming an inch closer to him, still holding onto her belly.

"Okay, we'll go."

"I'd like to keep her here for a few days."

"Alright. Is she going to be okay?" Angel looked at the doctor with complete concern for Cordelia and her heart.

"Physically, yes. The mentally part, is up to you." The doctor ran off into the other direction, chasing down yet another emergency that had come up. How the hell was he supposed to tell Cordelia about this? This would crush her, and everyone else for that matter. No baby. No heartbeat. No pulse. The sadness came over him as he sat down in one of the waiting area's chairs. First it was Connor, now this. She had already picked out a name for crying out loud, why would the Powers give her something so precious and then take it right away? He could ask the same thing with Connor. To bestow upon them a life that is so innocent and then just take it away was cruel and harsh and he didn't want anyone to go through that, even her.

In his heart, he was kind of hoping of raising this child with her, hoping that it would give him a second chance to be a father. The father he was supposed to be. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe this was just another cruel joke from the Powers. He didn't want to think about that right now. All he wanted was to call home and tell the gang where they were and go back to Cordelia. She was probably asleep by now but he still wanted to be with her because he knew the added bonus of losing a baby plus being in a hospital was going to leave a huge sore spot in her side.

She truly hated hospitals. She truly hated them as proven by the rebar through her abdomen five years ago, the amniocentesis incident three years ago and of course the non-stop vision attack implemented by Vocah; in fact he was surprised when she asked him to take her to one. Coffee. Coffee sounded really good right now. It was almost seven in the morning and he needed it. It would wake him up and make him stay up with her. She probably wasn't going to get any sleep today. Not with this news. He was slacking lately and that was all because of the newest apocalypse mention coming up within the next few years.

He relied on Fred to keep Cordelia safe and occupied, and she had done a great job with that. Then there was Lorne, who was just well...Lorne. What else could you really say about him? Fred had it right when she dubbed them their titles when her parents visited. Angel was the champion. Wesley was the brain. Gunn was the muscle. Cordelia was the heart. Fred was the hope and Lorne was the song. The song that kept changing with them, with every step that each of them took. This step though, was the last step before rock bottom. And as if the candy-striper read his mind, a cup of coffee on a small tray caught his eye.

"Here you go sir." The redheaded candy striper said, handing him a cup of Joe that he wasn't expecting unless he moved his legs and went to the cafeteria himself.

"Thank you." He told her, taking the cup of coffee and watching her as she returned back behind the counter. He got up and walked over to the nurses' station, having a request on his mind. "Sorry, I know that we just met and everything..."

"What else can I get for you Mr. Angel?" The candy striper asked with a perky smile on her face. Seven in the morning and she was bright eyed and bushy tailed, which somehow, reminded him of Fred.

"Uh, I just wanted to alert the rest of my family that..."

"Already taken care of."

"Oh, thank you."

"Glad to be of service sir. And your fiancé is in room 316." She said returning another smile and her attention back to a book on the counter. He left a faint smile where he was and made his way down the south hallway to room 316. _Fiancé. _He never said that she was his fiancée, and she wasn't. But she could be...

Walking into her room, she laid curled up into a little ball and looked peaceful. The doctor assured him that she would be okay, but he wasn't too sure about that. All the way to the hospital she kept babbling how maybe she wasn't meant to be a mother and yet she wasn't ready to let the little life inside her go. He just let her babble, because what was there to say? Yea, you're not ready to be a mother or we're not going to let this one get away go, those just sounded insensitive and pompous. And they were. So he let her babble and just listened. He was getting good at that nowadays. Sitting down on the chair next to the bed, he brushed the hair out from her face and looked into her worried eyes. Cupping her hand with his and squeezing it, he offered her a smile and tried to assure her that everything was going to be fine.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Positively sure?"

"Yes."

"Angel..." She started with the quivering lip.

"Sssh, get some rest. I'm right here and I'm not leaving for the end of the world." He kissed her forehead as her lids shut slowly, but still kept his hand in hers, making sure she was on the same plane and that she was still here, with him.


	11. Eleven

Morning came all too quickly for the vampire allergic to sunlight. His eyes opened to voices all around him surrounding a hospital bed. Wesley was sitting on the corner, while Gunn and Lorne dressed like Sherlock Holmes stood in the corner and Fred was missing at the moment. Angel sat up straight and rubbed his eyes out of sleepiness.

"Well, well, well, look who finally decided to wake up."

"You look ridiculous." Was all he had to say to Lorne, smirking under his breath.

"Hey, that's not as bad as the time you were the tourist going to San Marino." She said, offering him a faint smile as she just stared at her stomach. Fred walked in then with a tray full of coffee, bagels, donuts and anything else she could find to fulfill both hers and Cordelia's appetites.

"Morning Angel. Here ya go Cordy. Fellas." Fred handed over the donuts to Gunn, the bagel to Lorne, and the coffees to Angel and Wesley. The rest of the food on the tray went to her and Cordelia, which consisted of M & M's, a Milky Way, a tiny container of Pringles and a small pack of Wrigley's gum.

"Is that what the doctor prescribed?" Angel asked, drinking on his hot cup of coffee.

"No, but it's what the physicist prescribed. Chocolate and sugar cures anything. It's a girl thing Angel, you wouldn't understand." Fred said, popping a handful of M & M's in her mouth as Cordelia unwrapped the Milky Way and inserted it into her mouth.

"Yes, chocolate is best." She muffled with her mouth full of it. Angel could only laugh. There she was, his best friend, his Cordelia, the one who just lost a baby last night and was being comforted by the amazing miracle of chocolate and Fred's nerdiness. He thought the pregnancy was going to take work, but this was going to be harder. He could tell she wasn't okay. Her tearful eyes, trembling chin, and her silent plea to the Powers. How the hell could they do this? Take away something that made all of them happy, well almost happy. How?

Cordelia sat in the rocking chair in the fully furnished nursery and rocked herself into bitter silence, holding onto an oversized teddy bear that Wes bought for the baby to be. Too bad the baby wouldn't ever get to see it, touch it or hug it. Clutching it closer to her body, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine something else, anything else. But she kept seeing was a baby, squirming and giggling at her, pleading her to come and pick him or her up. Trouble was, she couldn't. She couldn't even bring herself to look Angel straight in the eyes anymore. She couldn't talk about it, didn't want to talk about it but it was eating her up inside, like a termite gnawing on an old oak tree in the forest somewhere. It could take the termite a long time to gnaw through it and with her and this baby issue, it would take ten times as long. Some part of her hoped this would kind of be Angel's chance to become a father again after Holtz stole Connor and deprived Angel of his future. When Connor was here, Angel was happy. And she liked the almost-perfectly-happy Angel, it looked good on him. Cordelia glanced around the room again, looking at all the diapers that would go to waste and the crib liner. It was a soft green with bubbles, balloons, and teddy bears on it. It was the most precious thing that she had ever seen. What were they going to do with this room now? It was just going to sit here and do nothing. They could change it into Dennis' room, but then what would they actually put in it? She didn't know what Dennis was like when he wasn't a ghost. All she really knew about him was that he loved her, freaky life with Angel and all and she loved him for the way he treated a lady, whether it be her, Anne, Virginia or Fred, the only girls that she had had in her apartment since she got it. Of course, he had a preference for her but that was only because she lived there and she let him have his go on the television every night after Friends. The quilt moved up her legs slightly as she felt Dennis taking care of her again.

"What would I do without you Dennis?" She whispered into the dark room, still trying to rock all the pain away. It would probably never go away. She started to look too much into the future then, imagining herself in two, three, five years down the line. Where would she be? Still in the hotel with Angel? In Paris finishing out the last part of filming on her blockbuster hit? Or would she be back in Sunnydale, picking up the pieces of her broken heart that some pieces were still in Xander's hands? Or maybe by some chance, she would have a family...a full-fledged family with human Angel by her side, running after two little kids in the courtyard in broad daylight. She liked the sound of that, it even brought a dim smile to her face. Then the music came on, thanks again to Dennis. It was soft, ballet-esque music that soothed her ears and lessened the hurt and bitterness she held safely behind a closed door in her heart. The ballet. It made her think of the ballet, how she enjoyed that night. Especially the role-playing adventure Angel and she went on. It was them, through and through, just in some other spirits bodies. She loved him, the ballet dancer did. Just like Cordelia loved Angel. In the dark nursery that would remain vacant for a while, she admitted the truth to herself. Well, one of the truths that had been weighing on her heart. She closed her eyes again, listening to the music, imagining the night that changed her life.


	12. Twelve

Angel leaned on the door frame, staring up at the stairs in the direction of Cordelia and his rooms. He was lonely. She was in the same house as him every day, saw her every day for the past two weeks, imagined her touch and scent every night in his dreams, yet he was lonely. She had been very quiet since the procedure. Maybe a little too quiet for his liking. It was like they had completely switched rolls. It was him who was attempting the conversations between them, stuttering and making rational observations, while she remained silent, like he used to do. He missed her. Wesley and Fred were at the desk in the office and Gunn was sitting just opposite of them, playing on his game boy, like he seemed to do almost every day and at every opportune moment. They hadn't had a case in weeks, unless you wanted to call the disappearing client a case. She had come in looking for something then when everyone blinked, she was gone. Poof! Into thin air. It was still a mystery to everyone, but no one seemed to be researching the whereabouts of the client or seemed to care. They were all concerned about Cordelia. Everything seemed to center around her nowadays. She was what kept all of them together, the glue that held the glitter to the construction paper. Lorne had even attempted to get to her, but with no prevail. He had tried as well, talking about things of the world, what movies were playing at the Cineplex, but she wasn't interested. The words just went in ear and out the other. Ever since they came home from the hospital, it was lonely, and quiet. Too quiet. Way too quiet. He had mentioned calling her grandmother, but she completely dismissed the idea not wanting to see anyone right now and claiming that 'she's not my grandmother' bit that she hadn't used in a while. Damn her wishes! He was calling her and even if he got the death glare and the threats from her sweet mouth that came with the territory, she needed Gretchen. Lord knows that her mother wasn't coming, wherever she was and Fred, well, Fred wasn't the mother figure that she needed. She needed Gretchen. Retreating his steps he found the other three staring at him, probably wondering why he wasn't up there, comforting her or something like that.

"Where's Lorne today?" He quickly changed the subject, commenting on Lorne's whereabouts because he hadn't seen his friend in a while.

"Reopening the club, didn't you know that?"

"Reopening the club? Are we invited?" Angel asked, taking a seat across from Gunn after throwing his legs off of the cushion.

"That would be a no, uh, no and hell no." Gunn said as Angel looked at him. "Hey, straight from the horses mouth." Gunn raised his hand to shield himself from the retort that Angel was cooking up.

"I don't blame him. I mean, you guys did wreck his club numerous times."

"You guys? You were there too Fred." Gunn argued with her.

"Hey I was new. I wasn't the one whose old gang nearly blew Lorne's head off." She argued back. That was the start of another fight, the ones that they were famous for. Usually Cordelia would get right in there and send them to separate corners, like she did with Wes and Gunn.

"Children!" Angel yelled over their voices and eyed them both as the quieted down. "Now, for what I came back in here for. I was thinking..."

"Oh Lord..."

"Shut up Wesley and listen. I think we need to call Gretchen." Angel folded his hands and leaned in forward emphasizing the whole statement.

"But..." Fred started to speak up in defense of Cordelia, but then shut up again, probably realizing that calling Gretchen wasn't such a bad idea.

"She needs her, even though she says she doesn't."

"What about her mom?" Gunn asked, not knowing about the situation. Angel looked over to Wesley to take this one.

"Her mother and her are not what you call close, Charles. Her father is in jail and we presume that her mother is off on an unchartered island that the IRS didn't find out about."

"So, Gretchen it is?"

"Gretchen it is." Angel finished off, reaching for the phone on Wesley's desk. Here went nothing.

She lay in Angel's bed, not feeling that safe in her own with the quilt tugged as close as it could get to her neck. She tried not to think, of anything really, but every time she closed her eyes she could see him. The little baby that she lost. Squirming and crying out for her. She couldn't think of it any longer, didn't want to think of it any longer. She didn't know what to do with herself. It had been a couple of days since her last vision and the surgery had been over two weeks ago with the doctor giving her the go ahead for her normal routine, whatever that was. She couldn't remember what her routine was before she found out she was pregnant. She remembered training with Angel, she remembered listening to Fred ramble on about her newest scientific theory, she remembered Wesley and Gunn arguing about the War of 1812 and she remembered Lorne humming as he helped around the office. She loved his little tunes. Sometimes they were simple like Mary had a little lamb, and other times, it was the whole score to Oklahoma, which she could do without for the rest of her natural life. She stared into the dark room as she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. She hoped that it was just Fred or Lorne, passing by the door and not intending on coming in. She only wanted Angel if that was the case. But as she predicted in her silent thoughts, the door opened exposing the wall to some light coming from the hallway.

Angel made his way around the bed and took her hand that was lying closest to him.

"Hi." He mouthed over to her as he kissed the top of her hand, brushing it gently with his fingers. She smiled faintly back and looked away again. She knew he was making his best attempt, but she didn't feel like talking or doing much of anything for that matter. She was depressed and everyone knew it. She had been offered the therapy sessions, the support groups, the pills, but she didn't want them. She knew that if she was going to get through this, she was going to do it herself. This time, she was going to save herself. Another body slid in the bed and Cordelia twirled her head to see who it actually was. Gretchen Chase lay next to her with a saddened face and empathy like no other, save Angel. Placing her arm around Cordelia's waist, Gretchen tugged her granddaughter closer to her, trying to comfort her. Cordelia let it go then, the tears came, flowing down her cheeks and onto Angel's black satin sheets.

"I'm sorry....I'm so sorry baby." Gretchen quivered her lip as her arms hugged onto Cordelia, the weight on her shoulders finally caving in. Gretchen looked over to Angel, who let Cordelia's hand go and exited the room, silently thanking her for coming so quickly.

"I..." Cordelia started to talk, but Gretchen hushed her and started to rock Cordelia back and forth like a mother to a child.

"Sssh, no talking. Just let it out, honey, let it out."

And Cordelia cried.


	13. Thirteen

_Dear Journal, or writing pad, whatever you want to call yourself. They have me doing this as part of my 'therapy', if that's what you want to call that as well. They said it would help me through my 'problems'. Still, I don't see the point. I mean if I wanted to sort through these mountains of emotions that have been building up inside of me for about eight or so months that was right before Groo left, I would spill them mainly in the direction of Angel._

Cordelia threw the pen back down on the desk in defeat and leaned back in the swiveling chair. She was tired of writing her feelings down. It was pointless, she thought. The feelings didn't go away, they stayed bottled up inside and absorbed a little bit more of her heart. She looked back down at her half of a journal entry. Angel. It was funny how everything that she wrote got turned back to him. He hadn't forced her to go to this therapy, only mentioned it about a quarter of a gazillion times, and then he had to go and get Gretchen. She thought that the idea of at least one therapy session would be good, get some stuff that had been eating at her off of her chest. Although the had gotten some things off of her chest, like Gretchen had predicted, she's rather be in the basement with Angel, playing with swords and punching the lights out of the fake dummy. That would be more helpful then writing in some stupid journal. It was eleven o'clock according to her watch and as much as she wanted to get up and go to bed like Fred & Lorne had done about an hour ago, she wanted to wait for Angel. She had had a vision earlier in the day telling Angel of a girl who needed to be slapped back into reality. She was going to sacrifice herself for something that wasn't even possible.

The Powers were sending her weird visions lately. The one of the girl, then there was on of a demon that they had fought and presumably killed before and to top it all off, that gang had gone to into a strip club to take down the hottest male stripper that Cordelia or Fred had ever seen. Well, know that she thought about it, they weren't really that weird, were they? Just every day normalcy here at Angel Investigations. Turning back to her journal entry, she picked up the pen again and pressed it to the paper, but nothing was coming out until she caught eye of the picture sitting right in front of her.

_Okay, I'm back. I don't know for how long though. I still think this is pointless. What am I doing again? Oh yea, telling a book about my feelings. Well, instead of doing that I'm going to introduce you to my family. First there's me and well, you know about me. Then there's Wesley, the big brother figure. He used to be this clumsy ex-watcher, rogue demon hunter guy. Now, he's the boss of our little detective agency and if I don't say so myself, he's doing a mighty fine job at it. Did I just say mighty fine? I'm so going soft and that's not right. Anyhow, Wesley: best guy in the whole world; love him to death. On quiet days, and that's a lot, we have these talks. Not about anything in particular, but whatever is on our minds. Yesterday it was oddly enough, about the color black and how much of it Angel actually wears. I checked his closet out the other day and was shocked to find that he actually does own a light colored shirt. Of course, he would never admit to it or wear it, but it's fun to know that it's there, just so I can tease him about it. Oh, then there's Lorne. He's not what you might imagine, being green with horns and all. He's actually sweeter than Wesley, if you can imagine that. And he's always humming a tune, whether it be a new pop hit by the latest pop princess or one of the great standards by Duke Ellington or Glenn Miller. Although I have to admit, his edition of Singing in the Rain is pretty entertaining. I could go on and on about Lorne, but that would take up a whole new journal, maybe two the way I write and correct myself in every other line. Let's move on to Gunn. Charles Gunn. The LA street kid that grew up fighting demons all his life. A little secret: he may act all cool and confident on the outside, but on the inside he's just as protective as the next demon-killing guy. He's funny too. Always has some wise crack at the end of one of Wesley's never ending speeches about an apocalypse or new demon that's resurfacing. Plus, he's easy on the eyes and that smile, (pause for effect) that smile, just like mine, could melt a million chocolate bars. He's like another big brother too, well at least to me he is. To Fred though, he's just another one of her crushes. She seems to crush easily, now that I think about it. First it was Angel, then him and at the same time she's having the same feelings for Wesley. Lorne and I are safe for now, you never know what that girl is going to say or think of next. She's a little shy of the crazy label but, as we all say every day, she's Fred. Somehow, rescuing her from Pylea doesn't seem like it was a bad idea after all...plus, she kind of grows on you. And I like that. And having another girl, scratch that, woman around here isn't all that bad. We're starting to tip the scale some too, all we have to do is find another demon-fighting girl who'll work for a vampire with a soul, excluding the B-girl (Buffy) and other F-girl (Faith), who is currently serving time in the state prison for murder. Yea, we attract the sane ones alright. And for all of you who didn't get that, it was supposed to be sarcastic. Okay, now I'm kind of getting tired, not only from the semi-busy day we had, but from waiting on Angel and from writing in this stupid journal. If, and I stress the if, I have time tomorrow, I'll tell you about my long lost grandmother and if (again with the ifs) time prevails, maybe I'll finally talk about Angel, my best friend Angel. Then the next day, maybe I'll try Angel, the boyfriend?_


	14. Fourteen

She sat in the Alice-in-Wonderland chair in his room, reading an old book filled with wonderful prose that she got lost in every so often. He was out fighting again, she knew. Fighting vampires and werewolves icky, smelly demons that would cause him to hop right into the shower once he got home, that was unless he was hurt and then she would patch him up as always. She looked forward to that. Everytime a vision came, she didn't want him to go but he did. And she prayed and hoped that he wouldn't' get hurt, but some part of her wished that he at least got a scratch just so she could wrap him up in bandages he didn't necessarily need and just so she could feel his touch.

It wasn't the warmest skin that she had laid her hand upon in all her twenty-three years, but the sensation sent fireworks to her heart, making it jump every time he was near her. Heck, even the thought of it sent fireworks to her heart and she did jump, well at least her legs did, up onto one of the sidearms of the chair.

Suddenly, she didn't feel like reading anymore, she felt like training. It had to be almost three a.m. and Angel still wasn't home and she was bored out of her mind. She needed to do something, something that would keep her from thinking of the possibilities. Every night, she went to sleep and then the Sandman would visit, giving her dreams of plenty and every night it was the same dream: a sleeping two year old boy named Doyle sleeping with his head on Cordelia's lap and her body within Angel's. Like a family; a picture perfect family. But it was only in her dreams, and even though she hoped that one day she, they would raise a family together, it wasn't possible. Pulling her attention back to the book, she found herself not that interested anymore. Tossing the book aside, she leaned her head back and silently closed her eyes, her mind going back into her fantasy world.

Cordelia hung up the phone with fury as Dr. Yoro still refused to pay his bill. They had removed a large ass infestation of Hummer demons from his home almost eight months ago and just because he didn't believe in them, as he claimed, didn't mean that they weren't there. Just tell his decorator that. Her head claimed the wooden desk as she started to knock her noggin against it, giving up on the flamboyant so-called doctor. Doctor of what? Who really knew or cared? Lord knows that she didn't.

"Sweetie, you're going to knock all that prettiness out of you if you don't stop that." Lorne warned her as he grabbed the mail, searching for the magazines he was famous for snatching without even letting her look at them.

"Funny." She lifted her head up and pulled her hair out of her face. "What are you looking for?"

"Entertainment Weekly."

"Gunn has it."

"Gunn?"

"Gunn." She stated again, knowing Lorne was thinking the same thing. Gunn was reading a magazine and an entertainment magazine no less. "Lorne?"

"Yea honeybuns?"

"Can I ask you something?" Cordelia looked up and over at him as he reached for the coffee pot. "Okay, stupid question." She said aloud, getting up out of the chair and lurking around her good friend who always had an ear to lend and advice to give, whether he wanted to give it or not. "Do you think..." She was about to ask, when she stopped herself. She didn't want to ask, probably didn't even need to. "Nevermind."

"You sure?"

"Yea." She smiled back up at him and returned to her swivel chair, looking up the next client to call and ambush.

"Maybe later then."

"Later."

Eavesdropping was definitely not Angel's forte, but he couldn't help himself as he listened to Cordelia start to ask Lorne a question and then stop. Probably because she knew he was there. He couldn't help think about what she was going to ask the empath. Was she feeling the same anxiety he was? He was still cooking up his master plan to romance the seer but had only gotten as far as flowers. Lorne recommended the dinner plan and Fred was the next to come up with the fun at the fair option, then Wes & Gunn opted for the obvious option: gifts.

All three still lingered in the air, all just waiting to be snatched and set in its rightful place. He could see her out of the corner of his eye, reaching for the phone and dialing another pending client's number. He knew that the 'therapy' sessions had to be working at least a little bit, since every night when he came to bed, she was sitting right up in his bed writing her deepest thoughts onto sheets of off-white paper. He kind of hoped that most of the thoughts would be said aloud but that was her call and he wasn't going to question her again.

He remembered one night last week where he had come home from cleaning out a vampire nest and caught her in the skinny room between his and hers: the nursery, the one that either of them hasn't been in since she lost the baby. She had fallen asleep in the rocking chair and had the quilt wrapped around her to keep her warm. He remembered Dennis had motioned the book to him and somehow conveyed the message of getting her to bed. Angel had scooped her up in his arms and laid her in her own bed this time, instead of taking her back to his. The queen sized mattress had not been slept in quite a while and even thought the silky sheets of his own bed sounded better, he couldn't help but slip in beside her, pulling the cotton ones over his and hers' lower bodies.

"Angel? What are you doing?" Wesley's voice behind Angel jolted him out of his recollection as he twisted around and looked at his other best friend.

"Can I talk to you Wes?"

"Of course." Wesley drank his store bought mocha latte as they went inside his office and shut both doors for the privacy. Wesley went behind his desk and sat down, still watching Angel watch Cordelia through the little slit of the sliding doors. "Angel?"

"Yeah, uh, since you're the boss and everything I need to ask about your take on..." Angel scrubbed his head with edgy fingertips, searching for the right words.

"Yes?"

"Well, okay," Angel finally sat down in a chair just across from Wes and just wanted to get this out of his head and into the air.

"Angel," Wesley leaned forward, setting his latte aside and tore off his glasses saying, "she likes pink roses, fun at the pier, Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream and likes to go shopping no matter what time of day it is."

"So, that means yes?"

"Yes. Just ask her out before we all die of old age or too much anticipation, whichever comes first."

"Pink Roses?"

"Pink Roses."


	15. AUTHOR'S NOTE

AUTHORS NOTE

I need feedback! Tell me where to go with this. I don't know where to go! Any kind of ideas all you readers have, please tell them to me, so I can write and maybe, if it's possible, get this story finished.


	16. Fifteen

Cordelia walked through the half lit courtyard outside the hotel, looking up at the pitch black night sky that wasn't revealing any stars tonight. Diverting her attention to the lawn chairs and bench that Gunn had set out earlier all for Lorne, so he could get a "tan", she took a seat and gazed up into the emptiness. Los Angeles was too bright a city for any stars to seep through. A couple of nights ago though, she remembered seeing a few sparkles in the lack wink back at her. It was a treat to see them, since the last time she actually saw a night sky filled with glittering galaxies was...never, actually as she thought about it. She had never seen a sky filled with tens upon thousands upon gazillions of stars. She wondered why she ever listened to the childhood rhymes taught to her by her mother's housekeeper. They were very silly, especially to say it in Los Angeles. _Starlight, Star bright, first star I see tonight..._ Silly. As she closed her eyes, she could hear Lorne's tune in the background and his feet slowly stepping down the stairs into the courtyard. Peaking through her lids, she saw him sit down next to her and look up at the night sky.

"Looking for something darling?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest and looking across the two centimeters between them to her.

"Nothing really. I guess I just needed some fresh air."

"We all need that sometime." Lorne said, pausing and looking back up into the great unknown with her. Black. It was pitch black and there she was just staring into it, hoping, searching for something that wasn't there at the moment. "Cordy, the other day, you wanted to ask me something. You wanna talk about it now?"

"I wasn't really wanting to but I guess I should, right?" Cordelia looked over at him and shifted her position, gearing up the courage to talk to him about the aching that was still in her heart. She knew she should probably talk to Angel about it, but everytime she tried, the words just wouldn't come out. "Me and you, we have a connection."

"How so pumpkin?"

"With the powers and stuff. A connection."

"Yea, I guess we do. But I hardly think that that's what you wanted to talk about." Lorne rotated his chair and scooted closer to her. Taking her light hands in his deep green ones, he tried to make eye contact but knew that she would have to do that on her own. "Honey, you know I can see the bright light around you, but you have to talk to get it out."

"I know." She sniffed away the tears she knew would make a cameo appearance in a bit. "I know this sounds pathetic but I miss the morning sickness." Brushing her hair aside, she looked up into the green demon's crimson eyes and he watched as her lips quivered in a way that only Cordelia could. "I miss the life inside of me, swirming around. I know this sounds crazy as I was only what, twenty one weeks along, but I could feel that baby move and...and...I miss him."

"Pumpkin, it's not pathetic. And don't you ever think that." Lorne whispered as he watched her cry her worries out again. It had been a month and a half since the surgery and she still hadn't got any closure from it. Who would? Twenty one weeks into a pregnancy, building a special bond and then, for some unknown cause, you lose the baby only to leave a vacant spot in your stomach, mind and heart. "Keep talking." He pleaded with her.

"I miss the kicks, I miss the nausea, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss everyone coming up to me and touching my stomach." Her sobs became louder and longer as she went on with the bottled up emotions that she had been keeping inside of her for this long. Her head finally caved in and she pressed it against Lorne's chest as he silently rubbed her back, consoling her and spotted Angel making his way out of the dark corner.

"Tell me more sweetie."

"I'm angry." She took another deep breath and shook her head that was still leaning against his chest. "Why did they take him away from me? Why?"

"Okay, look at me. Look at me." Lorne pulled Cordelia's chin up so he looked right back into her gold tinted eyes that were drenched with tears. "I can't tell you why you lost the baby, but I do know that you are strong and you can get through anything."

"Lorne..."

"He's right you know." Angel came up behind them as her head spun around and looked up at him. Sitting down next to her on the bench, Angel slid his arm around her as she leaned into him, her tears now soaking into his black shirt. "You are strong and powerful and deep and I honestly don't know what I would do if you weren't here beside me." He whispered into her ear just loud enough so only her and Lorne could hear. Placing a kiss atop her forehead, he leaned back on the bench, taking her with him. "I think we need to talk." He suggested, hearing the cries getting louder and longer.

Clasping her hands in his, he sat across from her on the floor of his room and watched as she took her time talking about the subject at hand again. He remembered that when they first came home from the hospital, she didn't want to talk about anything. She just wanted to get back to her 'normal routine': paying bills, handling clients with good credit reports and having visions. But he knew in his heart that she was just avoiding talking at all, about anything at all. He squeezed a little tighter as she lifted her head a bit and looked into his eyes for a moment.

"Do you want me to talk?" He asked seeing her nod her head in return. "Okay, I'll talk." He paused for effect as he tried to recollect his moments with the Connor ordeal and how he first felt when the news of her loss. "You remember how I was with the Connor situation. I was devastated, depressed and wanted my son back. You remember that. Then when I knew of you being pregnant, I kind of looked at that as a second chance." She looked up then, seeing the sincerity in his eyes and scooted closer to him. "I saw this as a new opportunity to have a second child. And raise it with you. I wanted to be a father and you to be the mother."

"Angel..." Her lips quivered again as she felt and he saw the tears coming. "I...I wanted this to be your child...I wanted..." She wiped away the tears that were escaping her eyes and wiped them upon her jeans.

"Sssh." Angel let go of her hands, scooted a little bit close to her and cupped her face with his hands, placing a much needed kiss for the both of them on her lovely lips. Kissing her had never felt so right before, not until now. He needed her, she needed him. He felt the intensity deepen with every minute that they spent attached to each other, moving their lips to caress the others.

The night still lingered outside, a sky remained pitch black and two people were finally starting to learn how to cope.

The gang sat side by side on the round sofa waiting for Angel to stop pacing before them. He was wearing a whole in the floor that they had spent tons of money fixing. The red stained pentagram was finally gone and the sparkle of the inlayed swirl of the marble floor was in its greatest glory. Wesley was the first one to roll his eyes, which was not normal at all and started to get up off of the sofa.

"Sit down Wes." Angel ordered, standing right in front of him. Wesley sat back down and took off his glasses, ready for this 'speech' to end. Angel had told them all that he and Cordelia had an announcement to make and everyone had to be there. The only thing missing was Cordelia. They had decided on this together and wanted every one to know and be a part of it, but where the heck was she?

"Angel..." Fred started to say something but stopped seeing the get-up-and-move-and-you-are-dead expression on his face. She decided to forgo that yell-fest for the moment and diverted her attention to the stair well that Cordelia was finally descending after a half hour of Angel yelling her name for her to come down. She walked up beside Angel and grabbed onto his hand, praying for the courage to say what they were going to tell them in one breath and keep from breaking down in the process.

"Okay, so, you all know that I've been kind of depressed lately..." Cordelia started to sniffle up and quickly dismissed it, putting on her biggest smile and repressing the tears while Angel took over the speech for her.

"We're gonna have a little ceremony on Friday." He paused, looking down at her head that was buried deep in his shoulder now. "For the baby."


	17. Sixteen

_So, Friday came and went. Well not totally. It's about two minutes until Saturday morning and even though we had a small ceremony today for my baby, our baby I haven't really been dealing well with it. I kind of thought it would give me some sort of closure, you know. But who can really get over anything like this? I feel like...I don't know how to deal with anything like this or tell a stupid journal my deepest thoughts about it. Sometimes I just want to cry my heart out and sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs. _

Cordelia looked up and over at the dimmed side table to her right and tried to find the next words that were floating through her brain. Angel was out, killing some demon thing over in Korean Town again. Everything was happening over there nowadays, she realized. The last three visions she had had been located in Korean Town. She brushed it off, thinking it as nothing and looked back to her scribbles that nobody but her could read.

_I know last time I was talking about my family and the possibility of Angel: the boyfriend. Well, Angel: the boyfriend is a work in progress so I'll tell you about Gretchen, my long lost grandmother who is two doors over from me right now probably sleeping the night away while I am waiting up for a vampire that doesn't know any other color in the rainbow spectrum other than black. What is it with vampires and the color black? Okay, getting off track again Cordelia. Back to Gretchen. I never thought that I'd actually like her, her being a Chase and all and we all know that members of the Chase family are usually stuck up and have that better-than-thou persona, yours truly included, but that was a long time ago. I'm different and she is definitely different then the rest of my screwed up blood related family. She's kind, funny, and open to all things of the supernatural, which is definitely a plus. I mean with Lorne being green and all with the horns and him sleeping right across the hall from her, she better be open to it. She was here for the ceremony today. Held my hand and made sure that I wasn't left alone for one second. She's much like Angel in that respect. There I go, back to Angel. (Turning right to take the scenic route around him.) Now back to our regularly scheduled program: Gretchen Chase. She's taller than me. And has this whispy salt and pepper shoulder length hair that looks like it belongs to a goddess. She might be thin, but she sure can patch a mean punch too. Just ask Gunn._

Cordelia pulled her head p from the journal writing as Angel entered the bedroom with a dusty leather duster and threw it on the bed.

"Hey!"

"Why aren't you asleep?" He asked, shedding his shirt and tossing it into the already overflowing laundry basket.

"Don't change the subject." She pointed out, setting her journal and pen on the side table and taking the jacket off of the bed and hanging it up. "Jacket meet hanger." She said, turning back and showing Angel of her accomplishment.

"Again, why aren't you asleep?" He asked again, slipping into the bed and pulling the sheets up over him. She sat back down beside him and tweaked her eyebrows a certain way to make Angel wonder about her a bit more. Opening her journal back up, pen in hand she smiled down at him and returned to her inner thoughts.

_Okay, so Angel and dusty jackets on the bed don't mix. Plus, he's pushy when he gets back from slaying a mob of vampires. But I love him. Don't ask me why, because I probably couldn't give you just one reason, but I love him; with all of my heart and soul. So, about this Angel: the boyfriend thing: do you think it could work? I hope it could, because come tomorrow or the next day, I'm not quite sure yet, we're going to find out._

Cordelia set the journal aside again, turning off the dim light on the table and slid down into the sheets, snuggling up next to him. With her chin digging into his bare chest, she looked up into his closed eye lids and smiled. This was it. This was right where she needed to be. All those speeches about him saving her just seemed so insignificant now. He was saving her right now as he held her close to him in his bed. He saved her each and every time he looked at her; each and every time he smiled or said her name. It was all like he said once before.

"_Angel, I don't want you saving me!"_

"_Saving you is my job Cordelia. Whether you want to see it or not._" _He argued with her, watching her flee to the other side of the bed again. Flying up and over the king sized mattress, Angel caught her by the shoulders and forced her to sit down and hear what he had to say. "Saving you...it's my job, Cordelia. Because if you aren't here than I'm not either." A confused look came upon her brow then, not fully understanding what he meant by that._

"_The whole reason I am still standing here in front of you, arguing with you about a simple little thing is all because of you. I wouldn't be here if you weren't. I would be gone, because you weren't there to save me. So as many times as I have to, I will save you. I will." He stressed._

"_Angel...why?"_

"_Because I love you and you are worth everything to me." He kneeled on the carpeted floor and clasped her hands, looking up into her gold glistened eyes. "I **will** save you."_

Lowering her head to rest upon his chest, Cordelia closed her eyes and smiled, knowing that as long as she was there, she would save him and he would save her.

* * *

"Can I ask you something Angel?" Gretchen asked the vampire with a very sharp sword in his hand as she sat down on the wooden steps going down to the basement. He turned around and grabbed for the towel hanging on the banister, wiping away the sweat that was protruding on his brow. 

"Sure."

"I hope I'm not being to forward, but can you tell me what your intentions with my granddaughter are?"

What kind of question was that? Intentions? Of course, he could see her point, Cordelia being her granddaughter and all. Intentions? What were his intentions with her? He didn't know and couldn't tell her if his shanshu depended on it. He loved her, there was no doubt about that but if she asked him how exactly he planned to sweep her off of her feet, he didn't have an explanation.

"I'm not sure..." He stuttered as Gretchen squinted her eyes at him and sat quietly, waiting on an answer.

"She loves you, you know." Gretchen stood up then, reaching for the sword in his hands and putting it back in the weapons cabinet. "She told me about the ballet the last time I was here; said it was one of the most wonderful times in her life."

"She did?"

"Yes. But she also said that that wasn't the best time she had with you."

"It wasn't?"

"No, she said something about a hospital a while ago. That you and her became roommates for a while." Gretchen gave him a faint smile and recalled the conversation she had had with her granddaughter. "She said that you make the best eggs in town, you like to watch Bonanza no matter what time of day it is and that you like freesia shower gel."

"It smells good." He said in his defense to the last part. "Where are you going with this, Miss Chase?"

"Well, no where really, I just want to know what your intentions are with her. Are you going to court her for the rest of your life, are you going to marry her, do you want to have a family with her?" Gretchen stressed, walking about the damp basement noting all the training equipment that they actually had in the single room. Angel was taken aback by the questions and sat down on the last wooden stair. What was he supposed to say? He wanted to do all those things, and more.

"That's quite a lot to answer."

"I've got the time. Enlighten me." Gretchen said, taking a pack of cigarettes out of back pocket and sticking it in her mouth. "You mind?" She asked, seeing him nod and then lit the filtered tobacco product up.

"I love her."

"Well, that's obvious." Gretchen blew out the cigarette smoke she had been aching to blow out since Friday afternoon when they all planted two small trees in the courtyard in memory of both Connor and Cordelia's lost baby. The first tree for Connor was a birch tree and is said to promote healing for the mourning and sick. The other tree, for Cordelia's lost baby was a willow tree. The willow tree is said to soothe emotions, and banish depression and sadness. It was perfect for her. "Go on, keep enlightening." She said, inhaling another bit of her cigarette.

"Have you talked to Cordelia?" Angel said, wiping the towel over his forehead again.

"Angel, what's your real first name?"

"It's Angel. Just Angel."

"Okay, so when you and her get married, are you going to be Mr. Angel Angel?"

"Who says that we're getting married? I mean, I haven't even gotten up the nerve to ask her out."

"So, start asking."

"You." Angel thought about it before he said it as he watched Gretchen put out the cigarette into the brick wall. "You and her are definitely related."

Gretchen smiled back at him and raised her eyebrows, knowing he was exactly right.


	18. Seventeen

He found her in the nursery, simply looking over the empty crib and running her hands over the white edges of the painted wood.

"What are we going to do with this stuff?" She softly asked and turned around to look at him. "What are we going to do with this stuff Angel?"

"What would you like to do with it?" Angel stepped forward, taking her body into his arms and just holding her.

"I don't know."

"Why don't we just keep it?" He suggested as her head shot up in question.

"Why?"

"We can save it for a rainy day."

"Angel..."

"You never know, Cordelia, you never know." He brushed his lips up against her forehead and tugged her closer. "You know I love you right?"

"Yea, I know." Cordelia backed away and retreated into his bedroom and like always, he followed her. He honestly would follow her into the depths of hell, even though he didn't want to return seeing as he had already been there once or twice. Anyone of them would follow her because what was the family without the heart? If she wasn't there, none of them would have any kind of reason to stay together. She was now sitting in his leather chair Indian style and staring out into the great unknown of Angel's dark room.

"Cordy..."

"Angel, I don't feel like talking."

"Who says I'm coming to listen, maybe I want to talk."

"About what?"

"About how it's not just you who lost this baby." He told her sitting on the edge of the bed and looking straight at her. "Yea, you heard me right. All of us are just as torn up as you are. The Powers had me thinking that this was my second chance, that I could be a father again...to this child who wasn't even mine. Just like you were the mother to Connor."

"Angel, I..."

"Don't talk Cordy, just listen." Angel grabbed for her hand and pulled her over next to him. "No one is going to hurt as much as you do, I know that from experience. But as you once told me, we have to go on living. It gets easier day by day, but it never goes away, that's why we have people who'll need us and we'll help them. Because that's what we do."

"I'm sorry." She said, burying her head into his shoulder.

"Come on."

"Where are we going this time?" She asked, wiping away some of the drifting tears off of her cheek and latching onto Angel's hand.

"Out."

"Out where?"

"Anywhere. We just have to get out of here." Angel pulled her down the stairs and grabbed his jacket on the way out.

"Angel?" Cordelia asked again, letting go of his hand and going back in the hotel to grab her coat as well. She came back out with her jacket wrapped tightly around her upper body and up to Angel's side. "Now where are we going?"

"You still like ice cream?"

"Yea, but since when do you?"

"Since they introduced Bloody Mary flavored ice cream." He joked with her, sliding his arm up and around her neck. "I'm kidding."

"You better be because if you're not, then I want one too." She said and his head ship over to her half smiling face. "I'm kidding."

* * *

Ten minutes and two waffle comes with an array of flavors piled on top later, they walked hand in hand back to the hotel, giving each other smiles that suggested this was more than two best friends just out for an ice cream cone.

"You know, Fred's going to kill us." She said, slowing the pace down a bit and looking over at him.

"She is, isn't she?"

"Yeah, especially since we didn't bother to pink a cone up for her or stop at any of the sixteen taco stands between the hotel and the ice cream shop without picking her up at least one taco."

"We're going to get the silent treatment, which isn't all that bad."

"True."

"We should do this again, you know, just the two of us." He hinted looking down at his feet and hoping she wouldn't stop walking, but she did.

"Why, Mr. Angel, are you trying to ask me out?"

"Trying to, failing miserably." He said, looking back at her and waiting for any sort of answer.

"I did enjoy this."

"So..."

"So, sure. Why not?"

"Good, because I've already made plans." He added as they started to walk towards the hotel courtyard.

"Already made plans? You?"

"You sound surprised."

"I am. Angel, when's the last time you planned anything?"

"I don't have to answer that."

"Only because you know that you haven't planned anything since the day you were born. Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"You are such a dork."

_

* * *

_

_Okay, so Angel finally asked me out and even though the technique needs some work, he was incredibly sweet. Which, is not normal, well at least when it comes to asking girls out. I'm still wondering about his so-called 'plan'. Angel doesn't plan. Never. I'll bet fifty dollars on the nearest blackjack table that Fred and Lorne helped him or did all the planning themselves. Gretchen went back home three days ago and for the first time in my life and hers, I called her grandma. It was weird, you know, not having a grandmother for the first 23 years of you life and actually felt natural and good. Something I could definitely get used to. I'd also bet that she had something to do with Angel's plan. He said to be ready tomorrow night at six thirty. I've been going crazy not knowing and even though I already use the computer for internet time, I've been, what Wesley calls 'overexceeding my limit' by searching for any kind of event around the area that Angel would even be remotely interested in. So, off to the 'net I go..._

Cordelia clicked the icon on the computer screen and waited for the Yahoo search engine to load up. She couldn't stop thinking about where Angel was supposed to be taking her. She knew it wasn't Caritas, because Lorne had put a protection spell on the new and improved nightclub from them. And it couldn't be the pier because Angel was allergic to anything fun. She quickly typed her search words in and hit the return key when WtchyWoman popped up on the screen.

_WtchyWoman: Hiya  
__VisionGirl: Hi Red.  
__WtchyWoman: How ya doing?  
__VisionGirl: Better than I was. You?  
__WtchyWoman: Not that bad. Anything new in good ol' LA?  
__VisionGirl: Apart from the daily freaky things, no. But Mr. Broody is supposed to be taking me out tonight and he nor anyone else will tell me anything!  
__WtchyWoman: What? Angel and you?  
__VisionGirl: It's not that big of a surprise is it?  
__WtchyWoman: No, not really. It's just like Captain Peroxide and Miss Likes to Slay.  
__VisionGirl: Are we talking who I think we're talking about?  
__WtchyWoman: Yep. He's got a soul like Mr. Broody now but no curse attached.  
__VisionGirl: Wow.  
__WtchyWoman: My thoughts exactly. So, how are you, you know, with the thing?  
__VisionGirl: You can say it Will. And although I'm not fully recovered and I doubt I ever will be, I'm coping. The gang is helping me through it and I don't know what I would do without them or Angel.  
__WtchyWoman: Ooooo, okay here's a hug (insert smile icon). I wish it was real.  
__VisionGirl: Thanks Willow. Where are you right now?  
__WtchyWoman: Creative Writing 101. Required for my last semester. YAY!  
__VisionGirl: Yes yay! Maybe after all this, I'll come visit.  
__WtchyWoman: Or me there.  
__VisionGirl: That would be nice. You can see how much Wesley's changed. He ditched his glasses.  
__WtchyWoman: No!  
__VisionGirl: Yep.  
__WtchyWoman: Yea, I have to come see you guys and...I also have to go. Teacher coming.  
__VisionGirl: Okay bye Will.  
__WtchyWoman: Bye Cordy. Talk soon  
__WtchyWoman had signed off_

Willow Rosenberg hadn't been her best friend in the world but she made a good e-mail buddy and great listener. She didn't always have advice for her, but usually just a smiley or a few 'uh huhs' did the trick. Reading back over the message, she stopped to think about her coping comment. Coping was a hard thing to do and she wasn't really coping, heck she wasn't even sure how to cope. Having Angel there made it better. Having that big, strong shoulder was a good thing and since he had already gone through a similar ordeal, he knew how what was going on inside her brain. Much more than she did sometimes. Her thoughts trailed back to the computer screen. Date. She had a date. With Angel. Tonight.


	19. Eighteen

_I know this chapter is short, but the last chapters (19 & 20) are going to be a bit long to make up for it. _

* * *

Sweaty palms, hesitant responses and he was about to fork over about two thousand more dollars to get his floor refinished again. He had never been more nervous in his life. The ballet came a close second all because this was an official date with Cordelia. 

Date plus nervous equals an Angel no one wants to be around.

He looked out the window one last time, checking to put his mind on anything else he could. People watching should become a full fledged sport, he thought, as he watched a gang of young boys pass in front of the hotel. The slumps in their gaits, the blue jeans hanging by a thread on their hips and the gaudy fake gold around their necks. It was amazing how much people had changed over the years. He went from watching the Mary Jane & Peggy Sue types in their full skirts and saddle shoes to thugs with an obsession for gold and an urge to show their bums to the world all in the matter of a very short time period in his case, thirty years.

The sun was almost down and he was ready. Looking at his watch one last time, he grabbed his boots and sat down on the edge of his bed.

He could hear the television in her room blaring to the voices of Grissom and Catherine from _CSI_. Dennis had developed a passion for the franchise and Angel had faithfully watched with him. In fact, he had an urge to zoom right back over to her room and watch with him, but he knew if he did that, she would have his head. He could also her Cordelia's voice nagging the phantom for more information. She had been trying to find out where he was taking her tonight for the past twenty four hours and luckily Fred hadn't spilled the beans and Dennis, well Angel knew that Dennis wouldn't tell her anything and he could count on the ghost to keep his secret.

Tying his last show strings together, Angel brushed off his wardrobe chosen carefully at the hands of Lorne one more time and started for the his door. He was ready. Hopefully she was too.

* * *

Nervous. She was actually nervous to go on a date. But this was different than any of the other dates she had previously been on. This was Angel. Sure, she knew how to handle herself with best-friend Angel, but what about boyfriend Angel? That was new and unexplored territory. Slipping on her plain white tee shirt, she glanced back in the mirror for the thousandth time and re-evaluated the combination she had on for the thousandth time. He had told her to dress comfortable. Well, this was as comfortable as she was going to get without shedding all of her clothes and wrapping herself back up in Angel's silk sheets that she had come accustomed to. She brushed her now shoulder length brunette hair back from her face and took a good look at herself.

Comfortable: check. Pretty: check. Nervous: check check check. Butterflies in stomach: bold check. Yep, she was ready. _Hopefully_.

"One last chance Dennis. Anything?" She asked her invisible roommate for any more information regarding the "plans" that Angel had. Dennis used to tell her, er, show her, try to convey to her anything in the world, especially when it concerned Angel. But now the CSI-obsessed ghost was pulling his ghostly rank on her and not saying a peep and more importantly, taking Angel's side. Cordelia picked up her sloppy, but again, ultra-comfortable tennis shoes and slipped them on, still waiting for an answer from the ghost, but with no avail.

"Fine, take his side. But just remember, when I get back, you aren't getting any details." She warned him, walking out of the room and down towards the lobby. Date. This was a date. For the first time in a long time, she was actually feeling a little happy. The past ten months had been, in a word: hard, in two words: the worst. But Angel was there to catch her when she fell. He was always there to catch her.

And there he was, leaning against the front counter, carrying on a conversation with Wesley and wearing jeans. Jeans. Since when did Angel wear jeans? And color too! Green, no less. This was it. She checked her watch one last time, and prayed that the Powers would allow them just one normal date. Just one; that was all she was asking for. And she was going to get it.


	20. Nineteen

_Okay, so I lied. This part is not long, but hey, it's not short either. Oh yea, and it's also the last chapter. :D_

* * *

And one normal, out of the ordinary, so not like Angel kind of date she got. Normal in Angel's small dictionary meant silent treatments, burying head deep into sixth century old books and dwelling on the days of old. This was not Angel. Heck, this wasn't even her. This definitely couldn't be right. Never would have Angel picked this place if he had been blindfolded, evil and anything more than the dork he was. But here they were as Angel tugged her hand again to make her start walking again. She had imagined him picking something out of the ordinary like a high profile dance club or an expensive restaurant, and those were out of the ordinary for him, but they weren't at any of those. No, they were at the pier, of all places. She didn't expect this. Sure, it was out of the ordinary for him but she had ruled it out because Angel was allergic to fun.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting in line."

"For what?" She asked, squeezing on his hand tight and digging her nails into his palm to make sure he was perfectly happy.

"The Ferris Wheel. Isn't that what people do on dates at the pier? Go on the Ferris Wheel?" He turned around and looked at her, his hand still attached to hers.

"I guess so." She shrugged her shoulders. "Angel, I haven't been to the pier since..."

"I know." He finished for her and trailed off, reminded of her recollection and his. She had talked non stop about her date with Groo that night and he had hated it, but tolerated it because if he had interrupted her, the glare would come out and he would be dust before he knew it. She talked of the prizes he had won her, the elephant ears that she was so fond of he bought her and the midnight kiss that Angel and Wesley had zoned out for the details of. But this wasn't her date with Groo, this was different. This was Angel. Angel brushed his lips upon her forehead as the Ferris Wheel attendant ushered them to the next cart.

"Angel?"

"Hmmm?" He sat down beside her as the attendant sealed them into the cart and looked at her profile. The wind was minimal, but at the moment her growing shoulder length hair was flying into the wind and she looked amazing; like she belonged to the night. A definite plus for Angel, since he already did.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For this." Cordelia turned her head and let him have a smile before the wheel started to turn, lifting them up above the busy pier to take a look out into the ocean and half of downtown Los Angeles. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"I'm all ears."

"I was never really fond of heights." Cordelia confided in him and then turned to face him again with a big smile on her face. "Until now."

* * *

"You were hungry." Angel watched from the side as Cordelia shoved another handful of drowned in salt and ketchup French fries from the second plate of the night down her throat. He leaned forward in the booth, taking a hold of the coffee cup in his spare hand and looked at her eating the greasy food from the corner street diner.

"What can I say?" He managed to decipher from her muffled language.

"Is that all for you today?" The waitress came up to their booth and asked, popping her gum in the most annoying matter.

"Cordy?"

"Oh, uh, I think so. Yeah." She smiled back at him as the waitress refilled his coffee cup and left the check on the edge of the table.

Cordelia dabbed some more fries into the ketchup and inserted them into her mouth and then reached for her extra-large double chocolate milkshake.

"So, you had fun?"

"Yeah, I did. Thanks. Even thought Lorne and Fred planned it all."

"Hey, I planned some."

"Which part? The part where you set off all the pinball machines or the part where you whined to the games director about not winning that oversized teddy bear that you really didn't need anyhow?" She tilted her head, motioning over to the large blue and white teddy bear sitting across from them in the booth.

"You're mean."

"Hey, I'm Cordelia Chase."

"The Cordelia Chase."

"You know me best." Cordelia finished off the plate of fries, pushing them to the side and grabbed a hold of the glass, sipping on the shake a bit more.

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"And I love you."

After a few more drinks of the shake and ten seconds of silence, she had to ask the question that she had had in her mind she the last phone call with Gretchen.

"You still saving me?"

"Until the end of time, I will be saving you." He reassured her for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"Good." She looked back up at him and again gave him one of her signature smiles that he loved and then leaned into his frame.

It seemed like her saving party was over, like everything was coming together. Half of that was true. And the whole truth of it was that it was all the beginning. They sat there for another hour or so before starting back to the hotel where they both knew Fred and Lorne would be up waiting for details. So, hand in hand and heart to heart, they were promising each other things that were better left unsaid; the silent _thank you_'s and _I love you_'s through the wavelengths of the air. And they were saving all the _I will save you_'s for a rainy day. Because they knew they would need them.

Cordelia looked once more over and up to Angel, smiling when she caught eye of the bear he was holding.

"So, what should we name him?" She inquired.

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think...we should leave it up to Fred."

* * *

_Author's Note_

_When I started this story, I wasn't really sure where it was going. I just knew that I wanted to see the AI Team, mostly Angel and Cordelia, to be seen as humans and not supernatural superheroes that we see them being everyday._

_And I thank all of you who have taken time out from your lives to read my little piece of fantasy and to all who gave me feedback, because that's what us writers live on. Thank you, because if you hadn't responded, you probably wouldn't have seen anymore of this beyond the first chapter._

_Again, I thank you and God bless._

_Finito_


End file.
